Where Do I Belong?

My question to where I belong.

I don’t even know where to start. I have a Indonesian father and a Dutch mother. So, to which culture do I belong. Should I belong to one of those cultures or do I belong to both? These questions I ask myself a lot in the last few weeks.

You can’t see where I come from by my white skin, freckles but getting brown in Summer.

I don’t know that much about my parent's past. I know that my mother comes from the province of South-Holland and my father is from Indonesia, born in Soerabaja. I really want to know where they come from and where their parents come from, what they have done in life, what their jobs were, and what from what family they are coming from. How did their life look like? What kind of friends did they have? Where did they live? What kind of food did they eat? What were their circumstances?

Sometimes, I am in a self crisis of who I am and what my purpose is on life. Do I really have to know what my purpose in life is? I don’t know. I do want to know where my ancestors come from. I want to know what they loved to do. Are there any musicians, creatives, or writers, and what are the stories?

I want to know and I want to learn from my ancestor's past. I want to ‘to get to know’ them. How did they live?

I want to know because I don’t know who I am really. If I know where I come from, I think I can place things or maybe the way I do in some kind of a perspective and feel some rest.

Do you know where you come from, what your ancestors are etc…?

I feel I don’t know all the answers. What do I know from my grandparents? What do I know from my great grandparents? I really don’t know.

As a writer who loves stories, I want to dig into these materials. I wish I could…