avatarElle How

Summarize

When You’re Haunted By A Future You Will Never Have

Photo by Nicola Styles on Unsplash

Sometimes things change in a big way

Yeah, you think it’s a play on words, it’s not.

You’ve set your goals. You work hard at them to achieve the best results. Be it money, a job, or education. All things are great. Then wham!

You didn’t see that coming. Did you? Whatever it was came straight out of the left field. It was a reminder that you, my dear, are human. That’s all it is.

The other reminder is that control is only illusionary. The only true control you have is your reaction to this “inconvenience”. That’s not meant in a cold-hearted aspect, it’s the reality of what I deem the truth.

You could think it’s a conspiracy. Sometimes it feels like it. What if it’s that the Universe wants you to learn different lessons? You may not have been on the right path for yourself. Sure, you could’ve had it all, but it may have been not as fulfilling as it should be. It could be as simple as that. Remember, you aren’t the only one to suffer through bad times.

I have been there more times than I want to count. There is an opportunity for you to use this uninvited change constructively. It will take time.

All your best-laid plans are gone. You need to deal with what you have to first. Usually, you have no choice.

Next, can you salvage your future? The one you were close to attaining.

Sometimes it’s not possible. A life change for one can be a domino effect for many. Sad as it is, it’s best to adjust. Things are about to bounce you out of your tidy packaged world.

This is a reality that’s supposed to happen to others, not you. So now it’s happened, what do you do?

Depending on the issue, and what you were in the middle of, you may have to scrap everything.

With all the remote learning and working processes, it’s now easier to do things online. Education and work, in the current environment, make it somewhat easier to hold a job or attain higher learning.

Photo by Charlotte Coneybeer on Unsplash

Changes come swift and furious

It’s hard to imagine how drastic things can change in a blink of an eye. It’s also difficult to plan out what you can do next.

I know from experience that it takes a lot of work to get back on your path. Sometimes the support you need isn’t always there.

When my sibling’s husband passed away, he was 28, and she was 23. She had 2 children under 2 to raise on her own. Never needing childcare, it became an added expense she incurred. She was fortunate that some family members could watch her children for no cost. Her plans to begin University slowed down. She went for a year, but sometimes things don’t work out.

Even if you regret that wonderful future etched in your head, don’t fret if you don’t get there. There might be another plan laid out for you.

She’s still a number one mom in my books. She raised two very fine, wonderful, responsible adults. She’s still heading for her dreams of being a literary genius. (Shush, she already is! She doesn’t see it yet.)

The number one piece of advice I gave my children was to not live a life of regret. If you regret things, you can lock yourself up in tangles for years. It can make the difference between a fruitful life and one that is wasted. ~ Elle How

It happens to everyone, sometimes

I went to school with a young man who killed 6 women with his car. It was a very sad accident. It ruined countless lives.

Nine women bet their husbands they could do a cycling route. It took them much longer than they thought. They figured they’d be home before dark.

When my friend drove that darkened stretch of road, he didn’t see them. They didn’t have lights on their bikes. He was 18.

I met up with his sister a few years later. She told me he regretted driving that night. He quit driving. Haunted by that night, he changed. Medicated for his nerves. He swore off driving for life. I don’t know what became of him.

He would’ve been better off being an advocate for inexperienced drivers and letting them learn from his mistake.

It’s hard to take the lead when crazy stuff heads your way. When my daughter passed on, I sent everyone at the hospital a card of thanks. I thought without those professional people, I couldn’t have moved on with my life. One nurse blamed herself. I sent her a special message, The Serenity Prayer.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

~ Reinhold Niebuhr

I try to live by this quote. It has the power to heal.

Photo by SOULSANA on Unsplash

These are the steps I took to move ahead

  • Keep living. As far as I see it, we are here to experience life. Not everything is always great. We all suffer. If we take that energy and move it towards things that help us grow, no matter what is occurring, we move forward. I found that no matter what happened; I had to allow my children to live their lives. I had to restrain myself when I wanted to hug them close and keep them in a protective bubble.
  • Keep loving. Life is a rollercoaster ride, up and down, it’ll spin you around. We all get caught off guard by something. Be it the death of a loved one. An accident. Whatever it is, love your loved ones more. I found this was especially true for my children. I had to make sure they didn’t suffer more because we had lost a child.
  • Be receptive to support. If plans get knocked sideways, pick yourself up and let others help you recover. You don’t have to do it alone. My son told me he would’ve given his life for his little sister, I told him my choice would’ve been to have them both.
  • Live with no regrets. Sometimes life won’t go back to how it was. It doesn’t mean you have to live your life haunted by a future that you can never have. Don’t live with regret, for you may not have the power to change things. You can always make new plans. My son told me he regretted not holding his little sister. I told him to never live his life with regrets. What has happened has happened, you can never change it. It is going backwards. To me, it wouldn’t be what our loved ones wanted, anyway.

Live your life with your full power to enjoy what you have. No matter what. It’s why we are here.

You can always change your plans. That’s the thing about plans, they are plans. You need to tweak them as you go along.

Thank you for reading.

Change
Life
Life Lessons
University
Relationships
Recommended from ReadMedium