When You’re at the Gates of Heaven

What moment in your life would you relive?

Emma Vincent asks, “In a film directed by Hirokazu Kore-eda (Afterlife), before entering heaven the deceased must choose one defining moment of their life to relive … what moment in your life would you be happy to stay in for eternity?”

Nothing makes me happier than to surround myself with family. I’m blessed with loved ones who are kind and gentle. Our interactions are free from arguments and are loving — never violent. I grew up not realizing there was another way until I learned not everyone was this lucky.

My three children and niece with their spouses, four grandchildren, two great nieces, brother- and sister-in-law, uncle, and mother all gathered at Mom’s house last week to celebrate several birthdays and anniversaries. Unfortunately, my husband, Ed, had to work, and a close aunt and uncle couldn’t make it, but outside of this, the celebration was perfect. I wouldn’t have changed a thing and could stay in this life’s moment forever.

The afternoon was filled with abundant children’s laughter, satisfying adult conversation, and delectable food that offered me choices for sticking to my diet or allowing myself to binge. I did both, through eating salad and fixings, then diving into the cake and bowl of cherries.

On this day, my mental health was stable, keeping my typically high anxiety at bay. One way I keep myself centred and avoid getting overwhelmed is to sit comfortably at the table and watch the actions of the little ones and their parents from a distance. Overstimulation is a peace killer. As the action unfolds around me, I immerse myself in conversation with whoever is around.

If this moment were on a tape and this lunch reel played repeatedly, I’d get used to the environment and would interact in a more meaningful way. I’d read to the children, get down on the floor to their level to play with puzzles, and create imaginary games with them stolen from my childhood. I’d be the grandmother I crave to be, but with limited time to visit them in our usual life and my anxieties holding me back, I currently fall short.

If I relived a defining moment of my life before entering heaven, this would be it. It’s not the day I got my driver’s licence, had my first alcoholic drink, got married, had children, graduated, or landed my first actual job. Many defining moments have shaped me, but none of these fulfill me, like time spent with family.

My family is aging. I’m aging. We won’t always have opportunities to be together unless Hirokazu Kore-eda’s vision comes true, and we freeze-frame this situation when all moments align. I’m extremely sorry that Ed wasn’t there, as is he, which would have made the afternoon perfect, yet it’s the closest thing to perfection I could ask for.

I’m not sure if heaven exists, but if it does, one day, I hope it opens its gates to embrace me. All I ask is to live blessed with all my current loved ones for as long as possible. I hate death, and I fear it with every ounce of my being. I realize as my family ages, I will lose them, and life will go on, but life as I know it will change forever.

I’m not ready for that.

So, for now, thanks to Emma, I’ll continue to dream that my family will always be with me, preferably more than a memory.

If you’re looking for this month’s prompts, including this one, The Challenged’s got you covered.

Here are the participants and supporters of the pub’s challenges. Please show their stories some love. (Please let me know if you want your name removed from or added to the list. Either is easy to do, per your request. All you need to do is ask in the comments or a note.)

Adrienne Beaumont, NancyO, Randy Pulley, The Sturg, Harry Hogg, Susie Winfield, Vidya Sury, Collecting Smiles, Trisha Faye, Bernie Pullen, Michelle Jimerson Morris, Paula Shablo, Brandon Ellrich, Ravyne Hawke, Pat Romito LaPointe, Karen Hoffman, Vincent Pisano, Michael Rhodes, Bruce Coulter, Rachella Angel Page, Pluto Wolnosci 🟣, Lisa Guard, Dixie Dodd, Adrian CDTPPW, Leigh-Anne Dennison, barry robinson, Jerry Dwyer, Jennifer Dunne, Lynn L. Alexander, Keeley Schroder, Julia A. Keirns, Ruby Noir 😈, Emma Vincent, Frances A. Chiu, John Welford, Deborah Joyce Goodwin (Red:The-Lady In Blue), Misty Rae, Jessica Morgan, Tooth Truth Roopa Vikesh, Patricia Timmermans, Maria Rattray, John Hua Technology ☕️, John Hansen, Linda Fode, Zaq Cass, Eva MacInnes