Summary

The author describes a personal experience of reacting strongly to a therapist's comment, which triggered a conditioned response from childhood memories.

Abstract

The author shares a personal story about a strong negative reaction towards a male therapist who made an off-the-wall pronouncement about the author's personality test results. The therapist suggested that the author had a homosexual orientation due to a higher level of interpersonal sensitivity than most males. The author felt angry and saw the therapist as stereotyping the gay community as well as himself. However, the author realized that the reaction was more about the author than the therapist. The author was experiencing transference, seeing the therapist as a reenactment of the author's father. The author's father used to dominate the conversation at the dinner table, rendering his family invisible. The author felt invisible when someone dominated the conversation and would either shrink into the woodwork or become bratty. The author suggests that awareness is the first step in change, followed by self-regulation and compassion and forgiveness for the offender as well as oneself.

Opinions

The author believes that strong reactions to certain people and situations may be due to conditioned responses from past experiences.
The author suggests that awareness is the first step in changing one's reactions to such situations.
The author emphasizes the importance of self-regulation in managing one's reactions.
The author advocates for compassion and forgiveness towards oneself and the offender in such situations.

When Your Hot Button is Activated

Photo by Caitlin Wynne, Image displayed on Upsplash

Do you bounce off the walls when certain people anger you?

Maybe your emotional reaction says more about you than that person.

In that case you have a hot button that needs to be disabled.

Years ago I had a strong negative reaction towards my male therapist.

He had a habit of making off the wall pronouncements about what he saw in me. In this case he did not wait for me to come to my own insights.

One time he was pontificating about a component of my personality test. It revealed that I had a higher level of interpersonal sensitivity than most males.

As a psychologist I had studied and used that test quite extensively. When he told me that I probably had a homosexual orientation because of that trait I had an angry “Bull shit” response.

I saw him as stereotyping the gay community as well as myself.

But my hot button response said as much about me as it did the therapist.

I was experiencing what we shrinks call, transference.

Here I saw my therapist as a reenactment of my father. In that moment of outrage I was having a flashback. I was reliving ancient history.

When I was a child at the dinner table dad would hold court and dominate the conversation. He saw himself as the family encyclopedia especially on things religious. His wife and children were expected to be his audience.

We all were rendered invisible.

Our opinions were not valued or even solicited. I often used to joke and say that’s why I became a preacher. The audience had to shut up and listen to me.

Hence when someone dominates the conversation I feel invisible. My usual tactic is either to shrink into to the woodwork.

Or I become bratty and make smart Alec remarks.

I had what some call a conditioned response.

Do you find yourself reacting strongly to certain people and situations?

Could this hot button issue be you shadow boxing ghosts from the past?

Awareness is the first step in change.

Next comes the difficult part. Self-regulation. Hit the hold button.

And the final step. Compassion and forgiveness for the offender as well as yourself.