Summary

The article discusses the author's experience with a black friend who criticized their anti-racism work and suggests that some black individuals may have internalized racism to the extent that they deny its existence and discourage efforts to combat it.

Abstract

The author recounts a conversation with an old school friend who questioned the author's decision to write about personal experiences with racism, suggesting that it puts the author's reputation at risk and advising them to accept being black and stop discussing racism. The author reflects on this interaction, considering the friend's possible motivations and the concept of internalized racism, which can lead individuals to accept racial hierarchies and negative stereotypes. Despite feeling discouraged, the author remains committed to anti-racism work, emphasizing the importance of speaking out against racism for the betterment of society and future generations.

Opinions

The author believes it is crucial to share personal experiences with racism to start a dialogue and educate others.
The friend's perspective reflects a belief that discussing racism is futile and that one should simply accept racial identity and its associated challenges.
The author's friends and acquaintances in anti-racism spaces acknowledge the existence of internalized racism among some black people.
The author's friend may have been projecting internalized racism by denying its existence and questioning the author's activism, especially in the context of the author's interracial marriage.
The author is resolute in their anti-racism efforts, viewing their work as necessary for creating a more accepting world, despite encountering resistance from within the black community.
The author emphasizes the reality of racism and its destructive impact, asserting the need for continued education and advocacy to dismantle racist social constructs.

When Your Black Friends Don’t Support Your Anti-Racism Work

Yes, it happens.

Photo credit: Leighann Blackwood for Unsplash

The other day I got a phone call out of the blue. It was one of my old school friends. We hadn’t seen each other in a while but we were connected on Facebook and Instagram so we knew about each other’s lives. After a few pleasantries and small talk, his voice took on a somber almost serious tone.

“You know what? I wanted to know why you are writing so many articles about being black and the racism you face”, he asked almost aggressively.

It’s important to share my experiences

“I think it’s important to share my experience. Some people don’t think that racism exists, and I wanted to share some concrete examples of when I have faced it in order to start a dialogue”, I replied.

“Well, you don’t have to write articles to do that. You are putting your entire reputation at risk by doing that. You should just shut up. God made you black, that’s a burden you have to carry. Just accept it and get on with your life. Stop rocking the boat, stop making trouble”, he said.

He wanted me to stop writing about racism

I could sense anger and irritation in his voice. I was shocked by what he had just said.

“Let’s agree to disagree. Good luck with your life”, I responded and hung up.

It took me a while to fully comprehend what I had just heard. Here was a black guy visibly struggling with racism in his own life — he was having challenges finding a job, and he was one of my most toughest critics yet.

After the call, I couldn’t get his words out of my head

I didn’t get it. I reflected on the conversation, did he want me to shut up because he was worried for me? Did he want me to shut up because he didn’t think racism existed? Or did he want me to shut up because I had had the courage to denounce racism while he hadn’t? I still couldn’t understand.

As much as I tried to forget his call, I still couldn’t get his words out of my mind. Here I was thinking that I was helping the black community get our messages out to the world in the wake of George Floyd’s murder and a black man — of all things a black man was telling me to stop.

Internalized racism

I recounted the discussion to a number of my friends and acquaintances active in the space of anti-racism. Many of them shared that they had come across similar profiles in their networks. Essentially, some black people have internalized racism so strongly that they no longer even see it, even when it is directed against them.

In her study, The Psychology of Racism, Robin Nicole Johnson, stresses that internalized racism involves both conscious and unconscious acceptance by people of color of a racial hierarchy in which white people rank at the top.

These definitions encompass a wide variety of instances whereby the person of color believes in negative racial stereotypes about themselves, adapts to white cultural standards, and engages in thinking and actions that support the status quo (i.e. denying that racism exists).

I reached back out to him to understand his perspective

Reading through the definition and examples of internalized racism, I began to understand why this school friend said what he had said. I did reach out to him again seeking to understand a bit more of his perspective. He started the conversation by asking about my white husband.

“How does your white husband allow you to engage in such activities? Or maybe you are doing all this behind his back”, he asked.

“My husband is one of the biggest supporters of my work. He thinks it is extremely necessary to try to make this world a more accepting place for our mixed-race children. What about your children, have they ever experienced racism?”, I asked.

“No, never, they never have. And if they did, they would tell me,” he replied a tad bit aggressively.

“Well sometimes kids don’t share everything,” I replied calmly.

“Racism doesn’t exist, you are wasting your time”, he snapped.

The phone line went dead.

I felt discouraged after the exchange

I felt a little discouraged after the exchange. Why continue to use my pen to fight for a cause that my fellow black people didn’t believe in? I pondered the situation over the space of a few days — not sure what to think of it all.

And then I heard about Jacob Blake, shot 7 times in the back by police, in front of his children, and I realized I can never stop. Not as long as I have breath in me.

Racism is real

Racism is real, it traumatizes and destroys lives, there is no denying it. And for those who are so sick that they cannot even see it, too bad.

The world needs people like me, Sharon Hurley Hall Shamontiel L. Vaughn Tony Young, Jr. to continue speaking up and calling out racism. We have a job to educate and help the world unlearn racism, to liberate itself from the shackles of this poisonous social construct. We still have so much work to do, and I am here for the long run.

Thanks for reading my perspective