SATIRE | CATS
When You Suddenly Know Your Cats Run Your Household
It really sneaks up on you
If you have cats, you know they like to claim territories. Your house becomes theirs and you don’t push back because you love them. If you have children (first of all, why?), the cats take second place but if you don’t, you begin to alter your lifestyle to accommodate these finicky felines. I’m going to guess that Ruby Noir 😈 can relate to these, as well as other tortured souls.
If you find yourself in any of the following situations, it’s too late for you. You might as well start licking your hand and wiping it across your face. If not, there’s still time. Volunteer at your local animal shelter or visit a cat cafe, but whatever you do, don’t bring one home or you’re doomed.
If you recognize any of these scenarios, seek professional help.
The Cats Are in Charge If…
In the kitchen, you drop a pan or make a loud noise and call out, “Sorry!” because the cats are napping.
You decide to relax in your favorite chair, but you choose a different seat because a cat is in yours and you dare not move her.
Your cats wake you up before sunrise to feed them, and you are NOT a morning person, but you do it anyway because that’s when they’ve decided it’s time to eat.
“Cat allergies” has become a dealbreaker in your dating criteria.
When someone says they feed their feline Cat Chow, you immediately become angry because you’ve thoroughly researched every brand and even though it’s not your cat, you know they deserve better.
More of your money goes to vet bills than any doctor you’ve ever seen for your own healthcare — medical, dental, and optometry, combined.
On a rare night out with friends (if you have any left), you stay out later than usual, and you worry that your cats will wonder where you are.
Your Amazon cart always has cat toys in “Saved for later,” and you already have a basket full of them at home.
You bolt upright in bed because you distinctly hear a meow of distress but after checking on everyone, you realize it was only a dream.
You spend more time deciding between two cat toys than you do when buying your own clothes.
A cookie falls to the floor, you pick it up, pluck off a cat hair, and eat the cookie anyway because you’ve given up.
Can you relate to any of these? Please say yes; otherwise, I’ve got a problem.
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