When You Love Yourself
You discover there is more to life than chasing money, you can create a world full of joy
Life; such a small word for the first and greatest gift we are given. We are raised through combinations of nurture and nature, learning as we go. Overprotected or through trial and error. Mimicking what our senses perceive. We might become our role models or we might rebel and choose our own paths or something between.
In life, the world is as big or small as we decide. There’s no right or wrong way of spending your time here. For some, life is a sweet shop where we pick and choose sugary delights. For others, a library of knowledge ripe for learning. For many of us, an office where we pass our lives standing still or earning bigger desks and losing sight of our lives.
If I was born with self-love, it walked out the front door with my mother when I was five. I didn’t even know such a thing existed until last year when a potential love interest asked me if I loved myself. I realised I did and had for quite a few years.
When I stopped being what I thought was expected of me and hewed out my preferred way of life, with no men or other influencers, life became my oyster. It took a lifetime but regret is a waste, so there’s none of that for this now content woman.
Falstaff: I will not lend thee a penny. Pistol: Why then the world’s mine oyster, Which I with sword will open. ~William Shakespear, The Merry Wives of Windsor
Self-love, I believe, must happen in a person before they have the inner strength and fortitude to give their love to others. Many wonderful women have discovered themselves and learned how to love themselves after lifetimes of loving and caring for others or their careers over themselves.
Loving yourself trumps trying to be everything for everyone.
- Stop pleasing others, please yourself instead.
- Question your motives for chasing the next salary bump. Do you really need it?
- Life is too short to spend time with people who don’t stimulate you, who you can’t learn from, and who waste your time.
“Do less, be more.”
– Elizabeth Grace Saunders, Author
- Work fewer hours, so you have time to do more of what you love.
- Save for emergencies.
- Surround yourself with friends and family who have your back and whose backs you have when they need you.
- Live a frugal life.
Low wages often mean long hours to make the rent, pay the bills, and eat. There is little left over for a safety net. Many people buy cheap unhealthy food or expensive unhealthy takeaways. I can understand why people drink to excess in the UK. I’m not condoning this pastime, it’s a fact of life and the opposite of self-love.
Living frugally is a lifestyle choice that enables us to live how we want.
Seldom consuming new goods, if I need something, I go on a mission visiting all the secondhand or charity shops for it. These days there’s no shame in these habits. I often find a bargain. You can too.
Loving yourself trumps buying cheap tat from China.
Healthy home-made meals, made in bulk, and saved in individual portions in the freezer, are the answer to my preference for convenient meals. A big pot of vegetable and lentil soup will last three or four days. I’m not an angel, I do splurge on a Marks and Spencer yumnut occasionally.
The following observations I make are of what I see and read about women of various ages. It took me a long time to discover it was okay to love myself and put myself first. Other women are faster learners! Perhaps younger women have received fabulous examples from their mothers.
Women in their twenties and thirties appear worldly-wise to the extent they’ve lived and learned a lifetime of lessons. Impressive.
Forty-something women are awakening to a powerful urge to find themselves, to find something more. Their children are capable of fending for themselves. These women in the prime of their lives realise it is time to find another passion. I did ten years ago.
Some women in their forties and fifties have been through the grinder; ended marriages, embarked upon new journeys, found themselves, found a new love. Love for themselves. No need to search for love from others when it is time to give your love to yourself and those you love.
Nature was my companion during long walks and deep meditations. I decided to stop pleasing others. From now on I would live my best life. Just me. Alone. Following my purpose, my dreams.~Desiree Driesenaar, Nature, Me, and Others
Desiree Driesenaar is a perfect example of a woman finding self-love with a passion project. Hers is a life-long passion project and her story is a must-read.
Some might choose to find self-love in the form of grandparenting. I adore the idea of having all the fun with children and then giving them back to their parents!
Others create their own businesses from their sheer determination and the knowledge that they can create whatever they put their minds to.
Alongside earning a living, or helping out their families, friends, and communities, passion projects are what many women find to complete their desire to live a fulfilling life.
Passion project possibilities
- Write anything you like.
- Get together with your community to create planters or gardens for everyone to use. Friends of the Earth have a project here.
- Investigate living frugally or minimally and share your ideas with others. Frugal Friday would love to publish your work.
- Devise a plan to reduce your own waste and encourage others to do the same. I like this video for getting started as they have plenty of practical tips.
- Sign petitions that want to help people and the world they live in. Create your own petitions for what you feel strongly about. I subscribe to 38 Degrees. There are many others.
- Study a subject you’ve always been interested in but never found the time to learn more. Coursera has some free courses.
- Take up photography, gourmet cooking, web design — whatever tickles your fancy.
- Travel the world or as much as you can manage.
- Set up your own YouTube channel. Mine is called Love of Nature.
I’ve taken up many of the above and others I’ll do in the future, especially travel. You might have noticed my passion project is writing. But I’ve also found women through my writing and theirs, women who have unearthed and embraced their self-love. Women who seek regularly to read each other’s amazing takes on life, love, and living.
Do something for you. See what happens. I’d love to hear about your passion project or projects!
Men can do these projects too. Passion and projects are for all genders. Self-love is for everyone. I have read a lot of personal stories from women who have experienced the events and urges I mentioned above, and because I can relate to women I do tend to focus on the female gender.
I have experienced much in my fifty-plus years on this amazing planet. The best thing I ever did — apart from bringing my son into this world — is to love myself. To heed my instincts. To do what brings me joy.
When you love yourself, you find joy.
Find your joy.
