Summary

The article discusses the challenges of loving someone who is emotionally unavailable, the impact of this dynamic on the writer, and the decision to prioritize self-respect and healthy communication in relationships.

Abstract

The author reflects on their experience with an emotionally distant partner, detailing the pain of unrequited affection and the realization that love should not be a one-sided endeavor. Despite the deep affection for the person in question, the author acknowledges the importance of not waiting indefinitely for the other person to engage. The piece serves as a personal declaration to stop accepting unfulfilling relationships and to establish clear boundaries, emphasizing the need for mutual effort and open communication in maintaining a healthy partnership.

Opinions

The author believes that love should not be as difficult as it has been with this emotionally unavailable partner.
They express a history of involvement with people who are not emotionally present, indicating a pattern in their relationships.
The author feels the absence of the partner acutely, even during interactions, due to the partner's emotional distance.
They recognize that their needs are not being met and that the partner's silence is a message of disinterest in growing the relationship.
The author desires honest and upfront communication, preferring to be told of the partner's unavailability rather than being left to guess.
They are determined to stop taking the partner's lack of response personally and to cease initiating contact, acknowledging the one-sided nature of the relationship.
The author is ready to move on from the relationship, despite the difficulty of saying goodbye and the hope for a reunion, to avoid suffocating under the weight of unrequited love.
They wish to give the relationship another chance but are also prepared to let go and focus on self-care and personal growth.
The author extends well-wishes to the partner, indicating a continued sense of care and affection despite the decision to disengage from the unhealthy dynamic.

When You Love Someone Who’s Emotionally Unavailable

And you finally hit bottom

Hello dear,

It’s me again. You know, the person you keep ignoring? I woke up remembering your upcoming milestone birthday. I wonder how you’ll celebrate. I think of how you’re feeling and what you’re up to throughout the day. You know, the usual things we think of when we care for someone.

You live too far away for me to know much of anything. I do know there’s a part of you who cares. But you’re not sharing the rest.

I wonder when you’ll call me. After we finally saw each other, the waiting feels sharper. I notice the sting of your silence. Honestly, I don’t expect to hear from you soon. It isn’t the first time I’ve waited for you to connect. I’ve been through this before with others. I have a history of relationships with emotionally unavailable people.

Maybe it’s time I stop waiting for you.

I feel your absence, even when we’re together, on the phone and in person. I know there’s something you’re not telling me. Energetically, it feels like you’ve dimmed your light.

I’ve hit a few different bottoms in my lifetime. I knew when to stop digging. I guess it’s time again.

Love doesn’t have to be this hard. If showing my love is too much for you, maybe you need to look at why you have such a difficult time accepting it.

I have lingering unhealthy relationship patterns. It’s time to stop perpetuating the myth I’m not good enough for someone to pay attention. It’s time I stop believing it’s my fault. And most important of all, I need to stop being a victim of my circumstances.

I can choose to stop taking it personally when you don’t respond. I know this isn’t about me. But I have to consider my needs. I can speak honestly about my relationship boundaries.

I’d like to have a balanced, equal exchange. Reciprocation helps us to continue moving forward. When you ignore texts or don’t call back for weeks, you’re sending an unspoken message that I’m not a priority for you. You’re telling me you don’t want to keep growing together. Your silence shows me your unwillingness to make an effort to maintain our friendship or intimate partnership.

If you’re unable to connect, I’d prefer you to tell me you’re not available. I don’t want to try to guess.

In my attempt to stay unattached, I missed a critical element. I crave healthy, upfront communication. I appreciate it when you take the time to engage with me when I reach out. Please don’t wait for me to initiate contact. It’s one-sided and reminds me of my codependent nature. I won’t be doing it again.

It’s never easy to say goodbye to someone special. But I refuse to stay in limbo. It’s hard enough to live across the country. I feel as though we never started our relationship. It happened when we were teens, and it’s happening now. You leave, and I wait. I won’t do it anymore.

You’re a beautiful person. I want the best for you. I’m sending you light every day. I envision everything working out for you. I see us reuniting again, but I can’t hold my breath. I’m suffocating. I light a candle, and you keep blowing it out.

Still, I hesitate. What if I need to give us more time? Maybe you’re not the one blowing out my candle. I want to give us a chance to grow.

Again, I wait. Maybe I’ll light two candles tonight, one for each of us. Until we meet again, dear long-distance lover friend. You know where to find me.

Love, your forever dedicated future soulmate

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