When You Lose Your Job — How to Plot Your Next Step

How to let go when you love your work.

I’m not a “job loss” specialist.

But after working as a psychologist in elite sports for a long time, I’m getting close.

Because — no matter how great the athlete and how long the career — it always ends.

Often not with a bang, but a whimper.

Few happy endings

Many people struggle with this significant change in their working lives — whether they’ve had time to plan for it, or it’s been foisted on them through age, job loss, redundancy, restructure or ill health.

In sports, the trigger tends to be pulled by age, injury, non-selection, worn out bodies and minds — just that they no longer have the energy for it.

When it comes suddenly, the psychological impact can be brutal.

Aside from money worries, there’s the loss of identity, purpose, challenge and sense of achievement. There’s the sudden severing of social ties; people often don’t realise how much they relied on, and enjoyed, those connections with people who shared their passion. It leads to feelings of loneliness and isolation.

Structure and routines fall away and, with it, discipline and order — so people (may) sleep more, drink more, eat more, worry more, exercise less and so on.

It’s harder than people think to establish new, healthy routines after so many years doing things a certain way. And that sense of aimlessness and boredom can be hard to contain.

Mild to moderate depression, anxieties, addictions and weight/eating issues are common, much of it undiagnosed.

I worked with a professional athlete who was depressed and drinking too much after injury forced the end of his career. He’d moved into a salaried sales job and, while he loved his partner and kids, he couldn’t settle into the “ordinariness” of life.

“I miss everything, all of it. The intense competition, winning, the sheds, my mates, the highs and lows, the focus, being part of something. I was used to being good at something. Now I’m an average guy, working in an average job, clocking in every day, going home and hitting the red wine every night and I’m bored shitless. I’m ashamed to admit it, but the family isn’t enough.”

Who are you, then?

“Often when you think you’re at the end of something, you’re at the beginning of something else.” –Fred Rogers

Too many people step out of their working lives and, feeling lost and vulnerable they panic, snatching at anything on offer — even if it’s completely unsuited to who they are.

The change in your identity is arguably the biggest adjustment. So it’s important to dig down into who you are — beyond what you were known for at “work”.

Here are the questions to ask:

Revisit your values —what matters most to you?

How long since you gave your values the once over? Can you easily identify them and are you living in alignment with them now? Note: Make sure your values depict YOU. Everyone puts honesty, integrity, loyalty and kindness on the list. So push yourself harder: do you rate achievement, challenge, variety, growth, money, adventure, creativity, friendship, beauty and so on?

But once you’ve listed, and rated, your values stare long and hard at your top three. Ask how you’ll be able to use them as your compass in the next phase of your lifer? And, if that feels daunting, how can you close the gap?

What did you love about your job/work?

When we enjoy work, we often don’t unpack why. That’s fine when you’re head down and on the rise, but it’s not smart when you enter the end zone.

Spend time breaking down all the components of your working life — beyond the paycheck, what are the things you love most, what will you miss when it is over? The challenge, the people, the intellectual stimulation, the validation? Then — within reason — you can look to recreate them in your working after-life.

What did you most struggle with?

This is the same exercise in reverse. As much as possible, seek to eradicate the things that you didn’t like. All jobs have hard, boring, stressful bits. Why wouldn’t you shake them off if you could?

A note on stress: people are often longing to get rid of stress and pressure. But remember that a little stress is good for us. Find some way to put a little heat on yourself, it’ll keep you feeling younger.

What did your job stop you from doing?

Work takes up an awful lot of time. What else could you do with all that time? Will it really fulfil you to play more golf or take longer mountain bike rides or add a volunteer job? Or do you need more? A personal challenge? Expanding your hobbies into the gaps often isn’t enough. They may even — to your horror — feel like a chore.

But once the shock of loss subsides, you’ll be able to see your new phase for what it (really) is. Just as it’s an ending, it’s also an opportunity. A chance to recreate yourself. Even a fresh start.

Remember, at the end of your life you don’t get to write your career accomplishments on your headstone.

All you’re left with is the person you are; the person you where, way you lived is your legacy.

As Mahatma Gandhi said, “my life is my message”.

Give some thought to yours.

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