When You Ignore The Red Flags and Get Your Heart Broken

Blame your free will not God’s will

Sometimes we so desperately wish for a boyfriend, husband, girlfriend, or wife that we settle for the next person who shows interest in us. Within the first 6 months of getting to know someone, they show you who they really are.

So many men and women whose relationships are in crisis ask, “How did I get here?” We ask that question knowing exactly how we got there. We went against our intuition and even others who tried to warn us of the danger ahead.

I've been there. I was in a relationship with a man who showed me who he really was from the beginning. I ignored all the red flags because I thought he would change. I wanted him to change.

The moment the relationship ended, I was tempted to blame him for everything — for wasting my time, distracting me from my purpose, and ruining my life.

But how could I blame someone who showed me who he was from the start and I willingly ignored and stayed in the relationship? There was nobody to blame but me.

The Red Flags Were There from The start

I had a conversation with a woman in an emotional turmoil who is thinking of divorce because she found out her husband is having an affair. When we got deep into the conversation, I found out the affair was just one of many she had discovered and ignored hoping it'd stop.

While her husband's behaviour and choices showed his lack of respect for her, there were clues she dismissed. Red flags that signalled danger. She couldn't bring herself to admit the truth, but now she has no choice but to admit it and make a decision.

The truth is painful, but the pain that follows your avoidance of the truth is even more painful.

Humans are social creatures, and we hate being alone. We get desperate to be loved by anybody; we ignore everything we already know in our hearts about a certain person. We pretend the red flags don’t exist.

We ignore the warnings from our families and friends, and we make excuses for their bad behaviour. We say as time goes on, they will see our worth and change.

We assume they are the one so we turn a blind eye, and this person ends up hurting us, robbing us of our happiness, and we waste months, sometimes even years of our lives. After you break up, you realize he used you for sex and a place to stay.

We then blame God for sending them into our lives and we say to ourselves how could God allow such a thing to happen to us. Why didn't He save us from the trouble?

But was it really God who sent them into your life or you made that choice all by yourself? You have your own free will and you exercised it. God didn't just sit by and allow you to choose the wrong person and get yourself hurt.

If anything, God tried to save you through the friend who kept trying to tell you they weren't any good for you. He kept trying to save you by letting them show red flags, which you totally ignored and made excuses for.

We blame God for the things we’ve caused. We blame God for the people we settled for. We accuse him of sending them our way, but in reality, he never sent them our way. We lie to ourselves when we put the blame on God.

Just because you are allowed to be in a relationship doesn't mean God wants you in it. It means he has a lesson to teach you because you refuse to listen. How else would you learn if you don't go and get your heart broken and your precious time wasted?

We mistake our free will for God’s will and we quickly realize the two are not the same.

God will not prevent you from choosing the wrong person, but he will eventually make you see the truth by letting them hurt you. Next time you find your heart broken and your time wasted, ask yourself these questions:

Did anybody try to warn me? Did my friends and family try to tell me he is the wrong person? Had this person just gotten out of a relationship that failed because they cheated on their partner? Did they learn from their mistakes? How many red flags did I ignore because I thought they would change for me?

Why Do We Ignore Red Flags

1. You don’t want to know the truth.

Knowing the truth means you would have to change something — yourself, your life, the place you live, and your finances.

We ignore the truth because we don't want to change our lives.

2. You think your intuition is wrong.

You sensed that something was wrong, but you proceeded anyway. It can't be right. You are special and he will eventually see that. She would never do that to you. They promised they would change. You engage in denial and carry on as if nothing is wrong because it’s easier to deny the truth than to make a change.

Going against your intuition is a dangerous game with serious consequences.

3. You think they will change for you

Sometimes you want your relationship to work so badly you get caught in wishful thinking. You want it to work so badly you think your partner will change, so you disregard the red flags. You believe they will grow up eventually and realize what they have. You think they need you so they will do right by you.

Your fantasy of what your relationship could be prevents you from seeing things as they really are.

4. You don't want to change your life

You ignore red flags because you don't want your life to change even when you are plain miserable. You don't want your family broken apart so you stay in an unhealthy relationship. You want your children to grow up in a two-parent home, so you make excuses to keep your family together.

You don't want to go back to being alone so you avoid all truths about the person who is causing you pain.

5. You think relationships should be hard

We have been made to believe that marriage and committed relationships are hard work. And that lasting relationship takes a lot of forgiveness. Yes, marriage and relationships are hard work, but they shouldn’t be so hard that you feel disrespected and at war with your intuition.

6. We want to prove a point

People warned you about your partner so you have to stay and prove them wrong. You stay to prove to people you are special and they will treat you better. You stay because you convince yourself they will eventually grow up, see your worth, and live up to your expectations.

Ignoring Red Flags has Serious Consequences

Whenever I ask a friend what red flags they ignored, after careful thinking and sometimes with straight knowing, they acknowledge what they ignored.

The lies. Their infidelity in their previous relationship which they don’t regret. Used condom wrappers in the car and pockets. The STD’s that appeared out of nowhere. You can't ignore those.

The late-night text messages from unknown numbers. The sudden hanging up the phone when you walk in the room. The staying out late nights in a row.

The endless scrolling on social media, looking at pictures of other people to name a few. Upon reflection, most of us know what we ignored and allowed.

The red flags you ignore in the beginning will be the reason the relationship ends.

If the man you are dating doesn’t show respect for his family, what makes you think he will respect you?

If the woman you are dating cheated on the person she was with, showed no remorse for what she did, and jumped into a relationship with you right afterward, what makes you think she wouldn’t do the same thing to you?

What makes you think you are better and deserving that the person she was with before you?

By taking accountability for the part you played and the red flags you ignored, you can make better choices the next time around.

Admit you were young and naïve. It’s okay. Admit you ignored your intuition because you wanted to prove to your friends and family they are wrong and your partner loves you and will change for you.

Admit that maybe you wanted to prove you were better than the person they left for you. Admitting is the first step towards making change.