Summary

The article emphasizes the importance of clear communication to avoid misunderstandings and assumptions that can lead to conflict and hurt feelings.

Abstract

The article "When You ASSUME, You Make An ASS Out Of U and ME" discusses the prevalence of assumptions in daily communication and how they can negatively impact relationships. It suggests that by improving our communication skills and being specific and clear in our wording, we can prevent misunderstandings that stem from our diverse experiences and interpretations. The author points out that we often jump to conclusions based on our own perspectives without considering the other person's point of view, which can lead to disappointment and conflict. By learning to express our desires and intentions precisely and asking questions when in doubt, we can foster better understanding and avoid making assumptions that could harm our interactions with others. The article concludes by reminding readers of the importance of kindness in communication.

Opinions

Assumptions are a common communication pitfall that everyone falls into, leading to misinterpretations and conflict.
People's unique experiences shape their communication and interpretation, making it crucial to be explicit to avoid misunderstandings.
Vague communication leaves room for interpretation and can trigger emotional responses based on past traumas or experiences.
Improving communication skills involves being direct about one's needs and intentions rather than hinting or assuming understanding.
Both parties in a conversation must strive to be clear and avoid assumptions for effective communication.
Over-specificity should not be taken as an insult but rather as a method to ensure clear understanding.
Complete elimination of assumptions may not be possible, but it is important to refrain from making judgments based on them.
Kindness is a key component of effective communication, helping to maintain positive interactions even when misunderstandings occur.

When You ASSUME, You Make An ASS Out Of U and ME.

It’s time to improve our communication skills and forget this stupid line ever existed.

I guess we’re all just running around here like a bunch of asses then. Because we all assume. Each and every single one of us, every single day… we make assumptions.

They must’ve meant this. Surely they meant that. What else could it mean?

Honestly, there could be plenty of reasons but we’re so wrapped up in our own emotions about it that, at the moment, we can’t possibly fathom anything else.

The problem is, we are not clear. We are not specific in our wording. We are vague and assume we’re understood. But we’re all very different. We think differently. We have all had very different experiences, some similar but at different times in our lives, but our experiences are different, and our lessons are different.

We all learn from our experiences, whether good or bad and often in different ways. based on what we learned from each and every experience before it. We either learn to improve from the experience and grow or it causes us to put up walls and defences in those situations going forward. We all do both, and for different reasons at different times, once again, based on every experience before it.

We change and evolve with each new experience to various degrees. Some situations will always affect us more than others. We cannot think like others because our sequence of experiences has been different. We cannot assume that others will pick up on our hints. That’s a gamble that we make when we assume but we often become disappointed by the result and blame the other for not understanding.

That disappointment can often trigger past trauma or experiences of rejection, abandonment, or feelings of not being enough. We need to learn to become better communicators and to stop assuming.

“Hey honey, I’m home.”

“Where’s the spaghetti?”

“I didn’t know you wanted me to pick some up.”

“I told you we were out!”

And there are a million examples just like this one. And we’ve all been on both sides of the argument for different reasons. Sometimes it’s no big deal, we brush it off and quickly find another solution, other times we can feel unheard or enraged. We’re not clear in our desires or intentions. We must learn to become more open and honest.

In this example, you might think, why else would they bring it up if not to get some?

The other side might think it was simply an update, as to not expect something that wasn’t going to be served. Sort of managing expectations. Maybe they assumed it was to announce the extra work that would be required to make the meal and had already made the decision to reciprocate in kind to show appreciation and thanks. Or maybe they assumed it was just a bit of complaining. And I’m sure you can think of plenty of other assumptions that could be made in this scenario.

Assumptions are made on both sides. All the time. Every day. To lesser and greater degrees. But if we could become clearer in our communication, on both sides, we could avoid future pain.

If you want someone to pick up spaghetti for you, ask them to pick up spaghetti rather than tell them you’re out. Be clear, be precise.

If you’re the type of person to order out often, consider they might come home with a container of spaghetti from your favourite Italian restaurant. Maybe mention the fact that you’re making the sauce and just need the pasta. Be specific, be precise.

So while one is clear, specific and precise to avoid making assumptions and misunderstandings, the other also needs to avoid making assumptions as well.

“Well, ya, I’m not an idiot!”

Don’t assume that they think less of you because they are being specific, because they’re thoroughly explaining things to you. And if you’re unsure, ask, rather than assume. Communication is key on both sides to avoid making assumptions.

There’s no way to ever eliminate assumptions altogether. There are plenty of moments where all we have are our assumptions. Though we should always take care never to make judgements based on those assumptions.

Let’s not make asses of ourselves, or each other.

The point is to communicate. To be clear and precise with your desires and intentions so there is no room for interpretation. Ask questions if you are unsure. And avoid taking offence because of your own assumptions.

And most importantly… be kind.

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