When You Arrive At Life’s Mid-Point
But did not realize this was your stop
Fading youth
She was in her early forties when she first felt the burn.
It struck like a volcano rising from within.
The molten lava heated to untold proportions.
The rumbling could be heard for miles.
Animals fled, smoke began rising from a point high and centered.
A stream erupted filling its reservoir and spilled over its sides.
The landscape became dry and sparse, scorched with the assault on the land.
The mountain was bewildered, what in the world is all that chaos within?
Was she in danger of an imminent explosion?
But no answer was imparted.
Nature did not respond.
No one had foretold of this process.
The Awakening
Sure, she had heard whispers shared among the older ones.
Yet no one had sat her down and explained the facts of life.
That the heat that once resided deep in her core, the heat that kept her young and supple, would one day make an about-turn and attempt to devour her.
She looked around her furtively, had anyone heard the noise, or had she imagined it all.
It was all so new.
Different.
Unexpected.
Her pastures were yet green.
Her peaks and valleys lush, her harvest bountiful.
So, she waited, hoping that the noise within was just a result of discord.
She prayed this would not happen again.
She stilled with bated breath, afraid to make sudden moves, in case it roused the beast within.
Time passed, she felt relief.
Aah…!
She could relax, breathe again.
The rumbling returns
But the monster awoke once more, and that was when she really became afraid.
Why did it return?
With that fear, a knowing was birthed … could this be it?
No! It can’t.
That which the elders whispered about?
That thing that happens to old women.
But she is still young.
She is not yet old; she just had a baby.
He’s less than two years old.
Her mind railed at the fates.
How could this be, this fire that threatened to consume everything she was.
Everything she knew.
This was so unfair.
Why was it so?
Had she arrived at the middle pause? How did she get there?
She could not remember getting on the bus.
She had not requested this ride.
She had made no provisions for such a trip.
She needed more time, time to prepare, time to pack.
She had not said farewell to her youth, she thought she had more time… (more time, more ti-me — echoes of her cry grow fainter).
Menopause only happens to “old” women
When she was younger, she noticed her mother fanning herself in front of the fridge.
She had had no idea what was happening.
So, she asked her mother about it.
Her mother said nothing was wrong.
Coming from South America and a post-British influence, such things were whispered, never shouted.
No such information was shared. They prided themselves on being “private”.
As a child, she never even knew how old her mother was.
Whenever she asked, the adults would find a way to distract her.
Children were not privy to such information, neither were strangers.
Once she was older she deduced the truth.
She had no idea menopause was supposed to be an all-consuming fire.
She had never really investigated the symptoms. She thought she had more time.
Somehow, she thought if she never knew she would never really get there.
Perhaps hoping “it” wouldn’t find her.
That somehow, she could escape the curse.
The curse of growing old.
No luck there, it chased her quietly, arresting her with surprise.
She had no choice, she fought back.
She may be in danger of losing the battle, but she’s still down for the fight.
Menopause: Her new normal
Menopause is an evil she could do without.
Because she suffered from excessive sweating called hyperhidrosis, she hoped the-pause would bring her some relief.
That somehow conversely, she would feel cooler.
She got even hotter if you can imagine that.
Not sexy “hot”, just sweaty hot.
Usually, she was so hot she felt like diving into a pool.
But alas, she CANNOT swim.
Replacing that which is lost
About two years ago she tried Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) but quit going once the pandemic hit.
They did calm the hot flashes and she felt like a close relation to the person she once was.
Though she experienced many benefits, she is still contemplating the risks.
And since she has been off it for the past year and a half, she’s not sure if she will continue with it.
Thoughts to ponder
The exact cause of hot flashes is unknown.
It is surmised that they are most likely linked to hormonal and biochemical changes brought on by decreasing estrogen levels.
Hot flashes, begin as heat in the solar plexus which rises to the surface, to the upper torso and face.
They last anywhere from 30 seconds to 10 minutes.
They may start before you become aware you are perimenopausal and often before you have begun to have menstrual irregularities.
Though menopause is a natural progression of a woman’s life, her initiation felt like she was put through a ring of fire.
The first few times she did not realize what was happening.
Then by the fourth time she felt the “burn”, it dawned on her that she had embarked on a new phase of life.
She is an unwilling participant in life’s game but forced to play nonetheless.
So here she was at the mid-point of life’s line, she decided she was gonna give as good as she gets.
And become her best version yet.
Thank you all for reading and for your support.
If you have enjoyed reading my stories, you may like —
Pene Hodge is a mom, a nurse, a writer. She writes because she must. She loves people and is committed to sharing and gleaning knowledge for the betterment of all.
You may join me by clicking the link below.
