When Work Becomes a Death Sentence

8 Ways to know it’s really time to leave your job

It’s important to learn how to be sure it’s your job and not you standing in your way of success.

What do you remember about the first real job you had?

My first job was not really a paid job at all. It was a volunteer position in a local hospital where I worked diligently to impress people so I could use that opportunity to get me my real first job.

You might have a story like this as well. I could hardly wait until I was old enough to offer my services as a “Candy striper” (named because of the red and white pinafore type aprons we wore over our clothes.)

That job was fascinating to me whether I was filling water pitchers for patients or making beds and folding laundry. I felt like I had entered some hallowed environment “working” amidst life and death situations and people saving lives daily.

I was 15 when I volunteered and by the time I was 17; I was ready to be paid for working during the summer and wanted more pay than the occasional babysitting gig.

I took a job at a large family-owned road-side fruit market.

It differed from taking pulses and cleaning up after patients, but certainly not the job of my dreams.

It barely paid me enough to put gas in my car to get there and by the end of summer, I was pretty tired of hearing the owner constantly berate the staff about making sure all the striped watermelon were displayed with the stripes going the same way!

What I realize now is that this business was his “baby” and as the owner, he had a right to want to make everything as perfect as possible, whether watermelons or the customer’s experience.

I went off to college, realizing I would have to do more substantial work than fluffing leaf lettuce and tossing out the rancid strawberries, so I applied for a position in a local hospital to be a “nurse’s aide”.

My previous volunteer experience paid off in helping me get that job.

The pay was way better (okay, maybe it just seemed way better) than what most of my friends were earning on their summer jobs. I was able to save considerable spending money for college and didn’t have to touch rotted fruit or shine apples any longer.

What I had to do wasn’t always pleasant or something I aspired to. Changing newborn’s diapers or cleaning up from someone who had just upchucked lunch left a lot to be desired.

But I held that job every summer between college semesters.

Vomit and feces did not deter me from the money it offered.

But, I also had to admit I learned a lot about interpersonal relationships, how to show genuine compassion, and even how to be more cautious when I drove from that job. (Seeing someone comatose because of a vehicle accident can be quite thought-provoking!)

We often continue to work in environments that are often stressful because the benefits (money, experience, developing contacts, prestige, fear) outweigh some less stellar activities we have to perform.

I’d say that truly was the case in my first professional job following college. I worked in a school system as a therapist and traveled between 5 buildings weekly.

While I loved my job, I realize that I actually had to deal with discrimination and harassment that would never be tolerated today.

One of my principals was a former military guy. He required everyone to salute him whenever he entered his classroom. Another principal went “ballistic” on me over a minor issue and I later was told it was because I had just announced a pregnancy and she had been unsuccessful at trying to become a mother for over three years!

While dealing with some of these characters was much less than pleasant, the other administrators and colleagues were wonderful to work with, and I still have close relationships with those I worked with decades ago.

Coaching has truly opened my eyes to how our jobs not only can define us but also can blind us from realizing what costs we might pay by staying in a particular work environment.

Staying in a job because it provides a great salary is far from wise if every other aspect of that position is a compromise, just like leaving a job because you don’t like a few components can be foolish.

So, how do you know if it truly is time to stay or go with how you earn your living?

I think there are eight red flags that offer a warning that the job we have may not be worth it anymore.

1. Your job compromises your values.

Anytime our work interferes with our value system significantly enough for us to be reminded of it regularly, it’s time to move on. The longer you stay, the more you pay in terms of it eating at your conscience and moral code.

2. You are observing negative physical responses to your job.

If you aren’t able to sleep well, feel depressed, have gained or lost weight, increased alcoholic consumption, or feel unwell much of the time, your job may be a big contributor. People tend not to look at their work as a cause for physical ailments, but often it is the prime culprit.

3.You are extremely unhappy with what you are doing.

Many people dislike aspects of their jobs, whether it is dealing with troublesome people, paperwork, or even a windowless cubicle, however when you are truly miserable doing what you are doing, it’s time to find other work. Going to a job just to pay the bills means a long lifetime of unhappiness and frustration.

4. You have no interest in improving your skills for the job you are doing.

When you have lost interest in getting better at how you earn your living or when you simply no longer care to keep abreast of current trends, you are in dangerous territory that begs for a change!

5. You feel minimized, disengaged, or irrelevant at work.

If you don’t feel that your opinions are being heard or feel you simply are not valued, it will show in your work, your attitude about work, and your feelings about yourself. Anytime you felt undervalued and unappreciated, there is a corrosive force working beneath the surface.

6. Conditions are inhumane or dangerous.

While there are places to report issues around safety, often people tolerate working conditions that put them at risk more than they realize. A friend of mine worked in a printing shop where the fumes were so strong, she had constant headaches. A client I worked with suffered through an entire summer in 90-degree temperatures working without air conditioning when the owner was too cheap to repair it!

7. Your frustration at work is taken out on the people you love.

This is more commonplace than you think. Individuals who are upset and unhappy with work often lash out at loved ones more often. One of my clients said she knew it was time to leave when her 6-year-old told her, “Mommy, your voice always sounds angry!”

8. You dread returning to your job after a break.

Whether it’s the weekend or after a longer vacation, going back to work might not be on anyone’s favorite list but if you realize you can barely face starting back to a job every Monday morning, it’s time to rethink how to earn a living.

While I have written about this topic before, especially now that we have faced a Pandemic, people are more aware of how their job affects their lives.

Often we become out of touch and even immune to the detrimental aspects of our jobs until something changes, and then we realize that tolerating a condition that isn’t positive for us is putting our health and welfare at risk.

Work does not have to be sunshine and flowers, but it most definitely should not be a death sentence. Crying about a job, anger over the work you need to do, and resentment at being employed should not be accepted as typical.

Yes, you have bills to pay and responsibilities to uphold, but if you continue to work at a job that constantly undermines you physically, mentally, or emotionally, you are shaving years off of your life.

Some people don’t move on because they simply don’t know how to find other work that could be a better fit, but there are all kinds of ways to determine what types of work could be in your wheelhouse.

It’s been a long time in arranging watermelons and coaching, and one thing I realize is no amount of money can make up for misery earning a living.

If you are constantly stressed, tired, over-worked, or unhappy, you most likely cannot enjoy what that income should provide you, anyway.

I have known people delighted with their jobs who make minimum wage and people who are making a 6 figure income and simply miserable and I can assure you how you feel about what you do is really that underlying factor about whether how you earn your income is right for you.

One of the best things you will ever do for yourself is to find work that is both meaningful and enjoyable.

This doesn’t mean you must have a luxury office or save the world.

Work needs to be something you enjoy doing because you enjoy the people you work with, feel that what you are doing is important or necessary and realize by working you get to do or have things important in your life.

You are going to be spending decades at work it should not be something you view as a victory just because you survived it.