When We Wake Up Hot

The “progression towards menopause”

Before the change

Last night, I tossed and turned and turned and tossed. I put a pillow between my legs. My hips ache and this is supposed to help while I sleep. My mouthguard in place, I cradled my cheeks gently — a gesture that sometimes soothes me back to sleep.

The hair on my chin poked out a bit. Need to pluck that this week. A few days ago, my son mentioned that my peach fuzz mustache is darker than usual. I told him that’s okay — many women have mustaches. But, it bothers me and this morning I took out the hair removal cream and wiped away the dark peach fuzz.

Last night, the air conditioning was set at 75 degrees. We — my husband, 12-year-old son, and 9-year-old daughter — are pretty comfortable at that temperature. I kicked off my top blanket, then my middle blanket, then my sheet. I don’t sleep well unless my gravity blanket is hugging me.

I got out of bed, and peed, probably for the second time in the night. My bladder is weak. My uterus is slightly prolapsed. For the past two years I’ve had issues with incontinence.

73 degrees. I adjusted the thermostat down to 73 degrees, hoping not to freeze my husband, son, or daughter during the night. I got back in bed, with the fan pointed directly at my face. I began to cool down. Wondering if I was going through the change, I finally drifted off to sleep.

Perimenopause?

These hot flushes (hot flashes) have been happening to me for at least three years now. I’m 42 years old. I notice that when I eat sugar near bedtime, the intensity worsens. They don’t happen that often, but when they do, they are not pleasant. I try to think of them as a natural part of life — a detox, a release — and I wish more women would talk about this time before Menopause.

I’ve brought up my suspicion of being in perimenopause with two doctors. One took the note. The other said — you’re not old enough, or something like that. I like my doctor, but felt dismissed. She is younger than me. I wonder if she’ll understand as she gets older. I wonder if she’ll be more empathetic with her patients as she ages.

Mayo Clinic provides a good outline of how women’s bodies change as we age:

Perimenopause means “around menopause” and refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years. Perimenopause is also called the menopausal transition.

Women start perimenopause at different ages. You may notice signs of progression toward menopause, such as menstrual irregularity, sometime in your 40s. But some women notice changes as early as their mid-30s.

Am I experiencing perimenopause right now? Probably not. In that way, my doctor is right. What I am likely experiencing is the “progression towards menopause” which comes with twists and turns, affecting women’s bodies and emotions.

Searching for women’s words of wisdom

I want more support. I want women to mentor me in this transition. I want science to acknowledge the realness of the “progression towards menopause” and the changes women experience during these years.

One somewhat helpful book is Susan S. Weed’s New Menopausal Years The Wise Woman Way: Alternative Approaches for Women 30–90. While Weed provides some good information, she is at times a little too hippie-dippy for me.

Here, I open up the conversation. I want to hear from women who have been through this already. There’s a huge swath of women who will benefit from them.

Please share your words of wisdom.