When We Suffer Invalidation
We can have enough of a problem finding validation within our own selves, inside. It can likely become a difficult process around us and within when it comes to involving outsiders. The invalidation of others can be a tough process to handle. We may question the stability of our own pride when a toxic person comes along and strikes us with the act of not validating so many things about us. It can feel like a personal attack.
Sometimes it may not even be coming from a person that’s toxic. People do things like invalidate all the time, so subconsciously, that they don’t even recognize they are taking a hit at someone.
Now often times, we may overreact when we are a victim of this. Because sometimes we build a mountain out of a molehill. But whether it’s major, or minor, doesn’t take away from the fact that we all have to learn about handling invalidation. Because of the fact that it can hit us in the gut so quick, no matter how serious the issue may be.
What is recognizable with this? Well, it’s not surprising to learn that judging is a very close cousin to invalidating. They are rather close and they are all part of a similar type of process and thought pattern. And at the end of the day, it isn’t my job, or yours to post judgement onto others, or invalidation someone else.
There is no part of judgements that can usually be considered factual. Because they are not fact, “we don’t have to get roped into that unhealthy process just because of that reason alone.
When others are unable, or unwilling to comprehend or understand us, or something about us, they are going to do what people over do. If they aren’t laughing at the unknown, or speaking negatively, then they may likely turn to invalidation. I’m not totally sure about why that is, but it has been an unknown fact since the dawn of time, that people mock or respond similarly to the things they don’t understand.
We have to remember when that happens, it’s got nothing to do with us. That mocking, laughing, or invalidating is their own poor relationship with themselves that is just showing itself. It’s a way to try and deflect attention off of their own inabilities. Remember that. If someone won’t validate you, or strongly invalidate you, it’s a “them” issue, and not a “you” issue.
Another unique way to look at it, is that we can ourselves validate how negative it can feel to be invalidated by someone or something. It’s not a tongue twister like it sounds.
It’s a very real and logical way to look at it. We can admit to ourselves how it can feel, and we can have a moment in mindfulness and remind us which is the best way to respond. We can let it move on, and out of our way, and realize that it really is just not necessary of all the energy we could waste on it. We can’t control negative people. But we can control how we respond.
These are the type of issues that I have worked hard on, and studied to learn about. Because like every other trigger I used to have out there in the world, this type of invalidating could trigger me just as would anything else similar. It’s about putting continuous effort into things like this, where negative people can hold the power.
It’s okay to hold a hard grasp onto our own power, and not let loose of it for negative people or anyone else for that matter. Nobody has a right to your power and self control but you. When we allow others to take control of us or our feelings, we can sorely lose our happiness.
-The End, By Michael Patanella
Michael Patanella
is a Trenton, New Jersey Author, Publisher, Columnist, Editor, Advocate, and recovering addict, covering topics of mental health, addiction, sobriety, mindfulness, self-help, faith, spirituality, Smart Recovery, social advocacy, and countless other nonfiction topics.
