A Love Story

I Didn’t Give Up Because She Cared

We loved each other before we even met in person

I would take the long, cold walk to the library. After a few weeks, I felt like I was invisible. When I first started walking to the library. I would make eye contact and smile at the attractive women passing by. They would smile back.

After a few weeks, no one saw me at all

They quit seeing me; no one noticed me at all. I felt invisible. The experience started to weigh me down. One morning as I was walking across the tracks, the warning bells rang as the arms came down.

I started to quit caring

I didn’t pick up the pace as the driver of the train leaned on his horn. I got across seconds before the train hit me. It didn’t even raise my pulse.

I can sink so low inside my head, I can be physically present, but mentally I would be miles and years away. I was sitting in the waiting area at the shelter one night.

I didn’t care either way

I was staring into space. The guy in the chair across from me thought I was staring at him. “ Goddamned it, what the fuck are you staring at?” He yelled. He jumped up and crossed the aisle and stood over me.

His friend was with him. He pulled a small knife and threatened to cut me up. I stared, giving no reaction at all. I was curious if he would stab me, but I wasn’t afraid.

When the two creeps decided I wasn’t going to play, they sat back down and ignored me. There were other incidents I learned not to look at anyone at all.

It would have been so easy

I could have given up. It would have been easy to sleep on a park bench on a below-freezing night. Or I could step out into traffic or let the light-rail hit me.

I didn’t give up. There was a woman in South Carolina, a woman I had never met in person. A woman who cared about me when I thought no one else did.

The library had computers and Wi-Fi, Olivia and I would talk for hours. Her concern sustained me. I thought of her all the time.

She saved my life, she really did

It got to the point where I didn’t want to drink or get high. I had made the conscious decision to abstain when I first became homeless. Olivia would have known and been disappointed in me. We had not met at that point, but I still didn’t want to let her down.

We would chat on Facebook. Olivia would lift me up and encourage me. “Hang in there Lawson.” She would say all the time. “Better days are coming.” For some reason, deep in my heart, I believed her. It seemed like the days flew by. I hung in there because Olivia cared for me and was praying for me. I felt her prayers.

We met two years later

Olivia and I didn’t meet until two years after we started talking. It was like we were old friends when she flew to Minneapolis to see me.

I had online dated in the past, with less than satisfactory results. I never planned on meeting anyone online or on Facebook. Our relationship just happened out of nowhere. Neither one of us planned it.

Falling in Love was the last thing on my mind

The last thing I was thinking about was falling in love, but there I was. I know in my heart that if we had never started talking. I would still be homeless in Minneapolis, and I probably would have had a drinking and drug problem.

Final Thought

No matter what you might go through, someone cares. Whatever you might go through might seem never-ending, but it’s not.

Never give up. Cling to the words of that person who cares. If you’re not communicating with that person, know that they are thinking of you and praying for you.

Never give up.