When to Call It Quits On Your Big Dream

Because maybe it wasn’t yours to begin with.

After many many years of working the 9 to 5 for other people, it was clear to me that above all else I longed to spend that time working for myself. While that desire surfaced I began studying energy work.

Reiki was my first love. But after completing the first two levels I still didn’t have the confidence to go out on my own.

Then came learning NLP and EFT — lots of new skills but it still didn’t seem like enough. I worked with a few people, mostly for free, yet felt I lacked what it took to work with others — something felt off.

I attributed the “offness” to my lack of confidence. Surely I had enough skills and ability after all of the trainings, and I definitely had the life experience as I worked through many of my own challenges. Yet I couldn’t seem to develop and especially maintain a client base. Although the clients I worked with had positive results, I continued to spin my wheels.

In the meantime, I wrote on my blog for free which always seemed like a means to an end — to develop an email list and gain new clients. I loved writing yet it didn’t seem viable. That’s not how my teachers earned their money — one-on-one client work was the way to go.

Fast forward 20 years from my first encounter with Reiki — I found a new teacher and again became excited about doing energy work, completing the third level of Reiki Master. I got myself a table and found a space to practice. A few friends came for sessions as I talked excitedly about my new direction. But mostly I just paid for the space month to month, maybe seeing one or two people, maybe seeing none.

My sessions went well — I enjoyed doing the work. So what was wrong? Why couldn’t I find the success of my teacher, and all of my past teachers?

The revelation finally hit me.

I loved doing the work — I hated trying to keep an active client base. The time for money model, and keeping all the time slots full, was not for me.

I have had many amazing teachers in my life. It’s always been important to me to continue to learn, expand, and evolve.

But I’ve found that can come with a hitch — sometimes you end up following someone else’s dream.

It’s easy to get excited about what other people are doing, especially when you are working with them. I fancy myself an excellent student and would often get in the situation of collaborating with teachers or other students who were more established than me. While good learning experiences, I never advanced in my own establishment.

I finally realized that I was trying to mold myself into the likeness of my teachers without giving thought to what I really wanted to do.

What was my dream? My dream was to be self-employed, not necessarily as a practitioner.

What was my passion? As much as I love energy work, writing was the thing that really lit me up. I knew the answer all along yet I didn’t know anyone who was a full-time writer. I didn’t have a teacher to model myself after. I let writing become a means to an end, rather than just letting it be the means.

So I sold my Reiki table and here I am writing on Medium. I know I’m not going to lean right into thousands of dollars per month (although I did share a huge milestone in this article How I Went From Earning $2.98 to $3.02 on Medium in Only 6 Months).

It will take time and effort. But the good news is the time and effort will be spent doing what I love — writing and editing. Yes, some marketing would probably help, but instead of a lot of time marketing my service and then trading hours for dollars, I will be building a portfolio that will have the ability to continue to earn as I find an audience.

Ask yourself these questions.

It’s easy to get caught up in someone else’s dream. It often starts with a parent eager for their child to follow in their footsteps. Then as we find teachers and mentors we admire it can be easy to emulate them when caught up in the excitement of learning. But when following your dream starts to feel miserable it’s time to ask yourself some questions.

Is what I’m doing for me, or for someone else?

What did I initially set out to do, and have I fallen off track?

Is there something I love doing but is met with discouragement from others, leaving me playing it safe?

Am I following my passion or someone else's?

We all want to live the life of our dreams, yet sometimes our dreams get muddied up. We have a vision and then grasp at straws trying to make it happen, often hitching ourselves to someone else's wagon because it feels safer.

I’ve spent a lot of my life hitching on to wagons that were not my own. Stepping away from that offers a huge sense of relief. It will take some time to realize my initial vision, but instead of spinning and feeling miserable, I’m loving every step of the way.

Do you have a dream that is sitting unfulfilled or perhaps is starting to make you feel cranky and on edge? Ask yourself some questions — it might be time to adjust your GPS and follow a new route.

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