When the World Is Moving One Way, How to Move the Other
The migration of salmon up a river holds the answer
Go with the flow — a common phrase we hear all the time. What flow? Who’s flow?
To me, it sounds like doing what others are doing, what others tell you to do or just letting things be — being a puppet with no control of the strings.
I’m more of a — go against the tide — kind-of-person. I wasn’t always this way, mind you. I was once a conformist too. I found myself switching from one to the other, depending on the people around me. Sometimes, I found myself brave and did what I pleased.
During my twenties I was looking to upgrade my car, many people were against my choice. I didn’t see what the big fuss was when I decided on a two-door instead of a four-door. The opinions came flooding in — it’s not practical, how many people can fit in there comfortably, what about the elderly in the family. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it — was I buying a car for them or for myself? In the end, I got a two-door — the best decision I made.
When I got married, I chose to live in a joint family — preferred in Indian culture. Again, against my intuition. I went along with the flow, the flow of how it’s supposed to be. It worked for a long time, or so I told myself; until it didn’t. When going with the flow, I found myself lackadaisical. I realized it wasn’t for me. So I put in the hard work and started making conscious choices — not ones handed down to me. Sacrificing your needs is one thing; to lose yourself in that process is another.
Do not go with the flow. Be the flow — Elif Safak
The Salmon run
There is a concept known as counterflow, a flow moving in the opposite direction to another. When I think of this, salmon come to mind. They swim many miles upstream to spawn. The journey swimming against strong currents is exhausting. They face many challenges: bears, eagles, dams, rapids, and fishermen. Many die after, so why do they do it? To maintain the ecosystem and ensure future generations of salmon.
When you decide to create your flow, you will face reaction, judgement, and resistance — from family and friends who don’t understand the need to pave your path rather than follow the old road. It’s guaranteed to be rough going against the grain.
I’ve learned three ways to move in the direction of my choosing. They are universal anyone can adopt them. I hope you do too.
Minimalism
When society is becoming more materialistic, choose to be a minimalist.
I have had everything I possibly could. I truly believe less is more, fewer things; not fewer experiences. The more of the unnecessary stuff you get rid of, the more space you create in your physical surroundings and mentally.
Stuff = clutter = hoarding = anxiety
In the past six months, I have downsized and sold/donated many unnecessary items. Despite having scarcer possessions, I remain prosperous. But, I didn’t stop there and neither should you. I also haven’t succumbed to buying anything new since then because I have everything I need. 2020 was the year I vowed to forgo buying from Amazon — a vow I fulfilled (look out for that article). According to Statistics Canada, 2020 is on pace to beat 2019’s total e-commerce sales of $305 billion. I’m proud to say I don’t fall in that statistic.
Practical advice if you finding this hard to do, start small but start. Letting go will never feel more rewarding. And the next time you find yourself wanting on a whim — like that sleek coffee table you saw with the gold trim, which would go perfect with your dining room chairs — think twice. Gradually you will be able to wean off the wants to make room for only the needs.
Minimalism is not the lack of something, It’s simply the perfect amount of something — Nicholas Burroughs
Say No
When society is answering with a resounding yes, choose to say no.
Many can’t resist keeping up with the Joneses or, is it keeping up with the Kardashians now? Anyway…
This could be attributed to social media usage. According to social media usage statistics, the time a person spends on social media a day is 2 hours 24 minutes. The numbers are so stark that if someone signed up at 16 and lived to 70, they would spend 5.7 years of their life on it.
I stopped keeping up with many people, their lives, and even trends a long time ago. If you find yourself in constant competition with others, you are comparing to them. You don’t need that pressure. Say no to looking like them, dressing like them, buying the things they have, and living the life they live. The only person you need to compete with is yourself.
Say no to conforming to social media norms. You can quit — go cold turkey, experience withdrawal symptoms but be happier in the end. Decide who to unfollow — what you don’t know won’t hurt you.
Now when it comes to relationships, we can’t always choose. What you can attempt is to reduce the frequency and duration of time spent in their company.
You are the average of the five people you spend most of your time with, this for me includes the people on your social media networks. Learn to say no to the unhealthy relationships (in the kindest way possible) in the real-world and the social media world.
You have to learn to say no without feeling guilty. Setting boundaries is healthy. You need to respect and take care of yourself — Unknown
Looking Inward
When society is looking outward for answers, choose to look inward.
We rely heavily on the opinions of others and the internet. They influence our decisions, our perceptions and our happiness. We are quick to listen and take advice from outsiders that know nothing about our life.
Even the people in your circle, closest to you could be giving you the wrong advice, despite wanting the best for you. In that case, it’s easy to blame others for our misfortunes and unhappiness. We alone are responsible for the decisions we make. It’s something we all experience. We all have opinions, and it’s judicial to listen, maybe even respectful. But do what is best for you.
Let your intuition guide you.
I have come to discover my inner self through introspection, awareness, and acceptance. These approaches help me connect on a deeper more spiritual level — because we are spiritual beings. There is no one solution that works. With some reflection, you will come to learn what works best for you.
We seek outside the wonders we carry inside us — Rumi
Final Thoughts
As we navigate this world and everyone in it, don’t float wherever the current leads you. Chart your course, and steer your ship.
Embrace minimalism, say no to make room for more yeses, and look within; hidden you will find your self.
Be the salmon. I promise you won’t meet the same fate.
Thank you for reading.