When the Words Don’t Come Easily
On a writer’s dilemma
I often feel I have something to say at one moment and then absolutely nothing to say the next. So, I mostly hesitate to say anything at all. I ask myself:
Why bother to write when the whole world is already drowning in words?
There seem to be bazillions and gazillions of words dancing in the sphere.
Sweet words, sensible words, sincere words. Words of love, of joy and pain, of wisdom, and of truth are all floating gently around; Moving us to tears, Awakening our senses, Inspiring us, Warming our hearts, Comforting us and calming our agitated nerves. They nevertheless disappear from our dimming memories like a mirage.
Then there are words of arrogance as well as of ignorance. Words of deceit, and of hatred. Words of common sense, but also nonsense. Shallow words, vain words, heavy words, and hopelessly naive words all alike, exploding everywhere in the sphere; Stealing the present, Exhausting, overwhelming, and hurting our brains, Vying for our depleted attention, Squeezing the life force out of us, Leading us astray and away from ourselves.
Too many words for such a short life. For such a brittle existence. For such a crowded headspace.
Still, I sit down to think of things to say even when it seems futile. At those times, though, when words don’t come easily, I ask myself,
Why bother?
And I wait for a minute that turns into days, then weeks, and maybe even months. I wait more because waiting comes easily when words don’t come. This morning I came across a song by R.E.M. that I like a lot. Then came my favorite line:
“Oh no, I’ve said too much, I haven’t said enough.”
I love this line because I know the feeling and the dilemma that strikes us all at random hours. Our own words make us feel exposed and vulnerable. We often risk saying either too much or not enough. We risk saying the wrong things at the wrong times to the wrong people. We risk wasting our words by shouting into the void. We risk adding to the noise that grows ever louder.
I stare at the blank screen. I realize I am not out of things to say after all. I am simply afraid. Perhaps, afraid of revealing either too much or not enough. And, afraid of not finding the right words.
And, yet, even so, for better or worse, we must release our words into the sphere to dance, float, and do what they will.
Because, and maybe just because, we are free to say whatever we care to say. The sphere can take and hold all that we can say ad infinitum.
So I set these words about words to fly freely. Then I listen more to my favorite song, my favorite lines, and my favorite words.
“That’s me in the corner, That’s me in the spotlight, Losing my religion. Trying to keep up with you. And I don’t know if I can do it. Oh no, I’ve said too much, I haven’t said enough.”