When The Sacrifice Of An External Reward Is For Family Gain: We All Win

Part 2: …the career losses are now worn as badges of honor, at least I’m trying to.

— in continuation to Part 1 that you can read here.

How am I back in the snow?

In the very same week that I awaited the response to my interview, my husband was being begged to accept a great position in the outskirts of Philadelphia. They came looking for him, throwing all kinds of pretty “gifts.”

This would represent another key stepping stone in my husband’s career — our family would gain greater stability, and this new position could afford better opportunities for our sons.

My salary was simply peanuts compared to his. It never was a contest, but deep down, I was always disappointed in myself, unable to bring in a large salary.

I was transparent with the university about my husband accepting the new offer. The offer made to me then became one for an Interim position for the 6 months that I would remain living in Charlotte.

Designing, founding, and completing the programs as the Director of the Center for Teaching and Learning, was definitely a short-lived highlight in my career for which I will always remain grateful.

It happened

My children are growing up and my husband is thriving at work. Life becomes the chaotic hustle and bustle of shuffling kids to school, band, dance, and sports while caring for and managing a home…all the while — searching for my career.

I’m back to being an adjunct professor — and am hired permanently, with benefits. It’s an oxymoron, yes, I hear you — but it’s a thing in PA, apparently.

After my first year, I hear through the grapevine that if you consistently are assigned a full load of classes for five consecutive years, I could apply for tenure and receive a huge raise along with all the bells and whistles! I would even get my own office in THE hall with all the other full-time professors.

Five years pass by — full loads of classes every semester.

I apply for tenure and filled out the intense paperwork. What was more nerve-wracking was learning there exists a voting process. The math department would have to take a vote and decide if to accept me. Furthermore, the Dean would need to ultimately seal her approval for it to be a done deal.

It happened.

I was welcomed and invited to begin a tenure-track position. I was beyond excited — it was a mixture of calm affirmation that I could achieve what I set out to do while at the same time…

…a dim reminder that timing is often a key factor in life.

There would be another wrinkle in my plans — okay, not wrinkle, it was a downright tear.

My husband’s position was eliminated in the company where he worked. He was on the hunt for work as well.

Do we go?

It was the summer of 2019 when my husband was in the last interview stage of an exciting job offer when he also received an unexpected phone call from a company he was familiar with. After a two-hour zoom meeting, he walks out stunned and quiet, sits next to me as I completed my lesson plan, and said, “They don’t want to talk to me about consulting work. They are offering me to be VP of Research & Development — …”

This said company was located in Mexico. It was quite a shock to both of us.

There is no brief way to explain why it took me less than 10 seconds to say, “Let’s go!” I’ll need at least another 3-minute story to relay that in detail.

Suffice to say, it was a choice for my family.

It never had been about me.

I never battled with what I wanted to be or do — that was always clear.

However, being a mother who pursued a career married to an ambitious, hard-working spouse — brought me to the shocking realization, that having children is one of the most impactful decisions you’ll ever have in your personal life as a mother. I’ve never regretted those choices.

Those decisions cannot, should not ever be made for us. As women, we need to respect, uphold and protect at whatever cost — the freedom to choose whether or not, we want to be mothers.

Women deserve that respect. Children’s well-being and a promise to be a part of a healthy home depend upon the freedom of that choice.

📖 Thank you for reading. Have you ever had to make a difficult choice in your career as a mother? Have you found yourself in a similar situation to what I was in? If not, would you have made a different choice? I look forward to reading any comments/reactions to my story. Thanks in advance for your comment.✍🏽

Interesting statistics regards women adjusting their careers for family life: