When the health goals you set for yourself don’t go as planned
A Japanese perspective on determination and resolution
When my friends and I just graduated college, for a lot of us it was a very confusing and unsure time. We didn’t quite know what we wanted to do, how we wanted to do it, and we didn’t really know what to make of the opportunities presented to us.
We did our best to apply to positions we found interesting, but most of us just ended up accepting the first offer that didn’t sound awful.
As a young person who didn’t quite understand what they wanted to do, you can imagine how these jobs turned out for us a year or so later — we ended up quitting. And every time someone in our friend group quit a job they hated, we all celebrated.
We celebrated because in our hearts we understood that our friend was not a lazy bum who had no grit, but that they were looking to find something that suited them better. And the next job they found would be much better. We’d see them grow a lot happier.
There is a Japanese proverb that roughly translates to, “To let go is nourishment for the soul”.
諦めは心の養生
It doesn’t mean to give up at the slightest bit of challenge or resistance, but that instead of dwelling on what we didn’t follow through with, it is much healthier for us to let go and move on, without regret. There is no shame in giving up.
It’s part of life.
Why don’t we offer the same perspective to personal health?
Most people understand that quitting a job is an important part of career growth. Unless you were in a lucky minority that found the perfect position from the first time trying, it was necessary. But when it comes to personal health, we often don’t see it the same way.
When someone quits their New Year’s resolution to workout at the gym 3x a week, it’s labeled a moral failure. When someone discontinues their yoga classes, it’s seen as a lack of determination. If someone gives up on following their new low-calorie weight loss diet, people aren’t known to celebrate it, but shake their heads.
There have been entire ad campaigns criticizing and shaming people who decide to join the gym, but then fail to go.
Even if we don’t judge others for quitting, we will still often condemn ourselves.
Why couldn’t I just stick to the routine?
Why am I unable to follow the meal plan?
How could I let myself be so weak?
We quit a job when it is making us miserable, stressed, tired, and depressed, and we do so with relative self-compassion. It doesn’t mean we hate working or that we’re lazy, we just accept that some jobs are not for us. We look to find something better.
We should extend this same self-compassion to goals regarding our personal health as well. Not just out of kindness to ourselves, but to recognize that quitting is an important part of the process of personal development.
Like how quitting a job is not the same thing as giving up on making money, quitting the gym is not the same thing as giving up on your health. We can try, quit, and then look for something better suited to us.
So if you’re struggling to meet a goal or resolution you’ve set for yourself a while back, take a minute to reflect on whether it’s still serving you. We deserve to find something we enjoy, feel good about, and look forward to doing– not to drudge through life because it’s “healthy” for us.
A wonderful part of life is our differences, and consequently that means that there is no single best way to live– so reward yourself for simply trying, celebrate quitting, and look for something better.
You may see yourself grow a lot happier.
Warm regards,
Kaki
In other exciting news…
I’m publishing my first book! It’s called Wa: The Art of Balance.
Wa — the Japanese word used to describe Japanese things — also means harmony, and represents the value of seeking balance to live a well-rounded life. Writing the book was a lot of work, but a lot of fun and I’m very excited!
It’s an illustrated guide to simple and easy-to-adopt daily practices that teaches how anyone can learn to find balance and vitality in life. I hope you enjoy it.
Pre-order now (available on Penguin Random House and various retailers)!
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