When Something Ends, Something Else Begins

A lesson on friendship.

I recently realized I have lost a friend who has been in my life since my junior high school days. After some reflection, it occurred to me that perhaps the friendship ended years ago, and I have been stuck in denial.

The beginning of the end was when we went our separate ways after high school. Neither of us left the state for college so there was not much long distance. I did not expect our friendship to be strained in the slightest.

We only made somewhat of an effort to keep in touch

I can use my fingers to count how many times we have seen each other since our graduation. I chalked it up to the fact that we are both busy. It is the truth to an extent. However, we rarely even text messaged each other.

There had been radio silence between us for months at a time, even though it only takes seconds to send a text. The few times we hung out, it was with our group from high school, even though I was never as close with them.

While she was my best friend and I was fortunate she introduced me to her other friends back then, as I have always struggled to connect with other people, I did not get along with them. They were judgemental and rude.

The truth is, the two of them belittled me for years. They made me feel bad about myself and my choices. My best friend defended me sometimes, but it was not enough.

Eventually, I made the conscious decision to distance myself from both of them. There was a ton of tension the final time I saw them, about three years ago, and my best friend actually felt the same way.

They mocked me for falling behind in college. Many people are unable to graduate from college on time. I am not the only one, although they acted like it was such a big deal and put me down over it.

They had harsh words to say about my relationship too. They made judgments about someone who they did not know and who is still in my life today, unlike the two of them. After that, I was totally fed up with them.

I had enough of their negativity. They are people who spend their lives complaining and then tear down others who are happy. One of them also has really bad mood swings, which was scary for the rest of us at times.

My best friend sympathized with me about the criticism and had the same opinion on the mood swings. It would have been one thing if the person was seeking help, but instead, they were refusing to and abusing drugs.

Despite that, it seems that my best friend did not make the same choice to distance herself from them. Of course, I would never force her to end her friendship with them. It is not my place.

I had to break away from the toxicity

It was easier than I thought it would be. All of us went to different colleges anyway. I never had to see them. They did not make an effort to reconnect with me either. I do not think they genuinely liked me, which is fine.

Unfortunately, when I stopped seeing them, I stopped seeing my best friend, other than one final time when we hung out together. Before that, she invited me to her 21st birthday celebration, and I did not attend it.

I felt guilty about not going, except she also invited her other friends, and I was already trying to break away from them. Not to mention, she wanted to go bar hopping in a different state. That is totally not my scene.

I would have been extremely uncomfortable. I had to make the best choice for myself, which was to say no and stay home. Setting boundaries is okay.

If she was bitter about me not going, then she hid it well. When I saw her alone the next day, she did not appear to be resentful at all.

It was clear that both of us have changed significantly since high school. We were completely out-of-the-loop in each other’s lives. I cannot recall what we talked about, although I can recall that there was awkwardness.

That never used to happen when we were close to each other. Nevertheless, there was much more than physical distance between us by now. This was nearly one year ago and I have only heard from her once since then.

The moment I realized I lost her

Her birthday was this month. I saw on Instagram that she went to a concert for a singer that both of us adore. We always went to concerts for him with each other. This time, she did not ask me to go or mention she was going.

In fact, she went with one of those people who I distanced myself from. This person constantly mocked us in high school for how much we liked this singer. Why would my “best friend” want to go to this show with her and not even ask me?

I was shocked and hurt when I saw the picture of them at the venue. I was particularly wounded because a while ago, I asked her to go to a concert with me, which was supposed to be this month.

She told me she would be moving out of state. Clearly, she is still here and could have contacted me. She decided not to, for whatever reason. Even if she was planning to move and it fell through, she never bothered to tell me.

Why did our friendship end?

I have been asking myself this question repeatedly lately. I was really down when I rarely heard from her after our high school graduation. Maybe it was mutual and she felt like I should have reached out to her more as well.

Perhaps she and I simply grew apart. We have different interests now. We made different choices about our mutual friends. We are different people.

There is a chance that one day, we will be friends again. This could have been a misunderstanding. After what has happened, I do not want to try to rekindle our friendship just yet though, if we ever can do that. I need time.

When something ends, something else begins

I might not have my best friend from junior high school or her other friends anymore, but I am much happier now and I do have friends. I became close with two women last year who are special to me.

These women accept me for who I am and prioritize our friendship. Even though it is heartbreaking to lose someone, I believe that it makes room for the authentic people who are meant to be in your life.

I am grateful for my people. I know I deserved better than the way I was treated by my former friends and I will never settle for less again.

Check out the continuation of this story:

If you enjoyed this article, subscribe to my email list so you never miss any of my writing. Also, join Medium using my unique affiliate link to read more and support thousands of writers, including myself. Thank you for reading!

Love always, Brianna.