When Saving a Life Saved My Own
Life Lessons I Learned After Talking Someone Out of Suicide
It was maybe around 2 am. I was awake playing The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion on my Xbox 360 in my bedroom at my Dad’s place. Bathing in the electronic glow emanating from my TV, I noticed my phone screen light up a few feet away from me.
“Hmm, who’s trying to get a hold of me at this time of night?” I wondered. When I looked at the preview, my heart skipped a few beats.
“I’m sorry, I just can’t hold on anymore,” was the only content of the message.
We’d been friends online for maybe a year or so by this point, talking to each other on Skype. Two young teens battling severe depression and anxiety. We looked to each other for emotional support as well as someone to chat to about their day, knowing the other person was genuinely interested.
I took a few deep breaths to steady my nerves, and then called her. She had already taken too many painkillers before she sent the message to me, I knew because I could hear her voice pouring out like syrup. I told her to go to the bathroom and throw them up, after that, to call 911 (being in the U.S).
It took some crying, begging and persuasion, but she eventually did what I asked.
About a week later, one of the hardest weeks of my life, she managed to get back on Skype while laying in the hospital bed. She thanked me for being there for her when no one else in the world was. She talked about being in the hospital and how they were going to transfer her to psych. She wasn’t all that pleased about it but she knew it was necessary.
She asked me why I was crying, I was just happy to hear her voice again.
As time moved on she began to recover from her mental health troubles, though I was still suffering from my personal demons. We spoke less because I didn’t want to trigger her into a relapse of self-destructive behavior. Things got really bad for me and it wasn’t until I began to hit rock bottom that she too reached out her hand to pull me up from my depths of despair.
She reminded me of the impact I had on her life, and how she managed to turn things around for herself thanks to my help. In a light spirit, she told me I needed to walk my talk. I spent so much time helping other people manage their mental health that I was neglecting to look after my own. So, I made a few changes and sought therapy.
From this experience, I’ve learned a few life lessons.
Never Underestimate Your Impact
When you walk down the street and you notice a person walking by, smile and say hello then go about your day. For you, it’s just a polite passing greeting. But for the other person, it might be the only interaction they’ve had with someone else in days.
You see someone struggling with their shopping on the way to their car, offer a lending hand and it might just relax months of stress and struggle for a few minutes. Call up that friend who says they’re not doing so great.
Life is made up of small moments, and these small moments can have a long-lasting impact on the lives around you.
Always Treat Others in Kindness
You never know what is truly going through the minds of others. They might be experts at keeping a brave face but underneath be a bubbling inferno or drowning in a sea of torment.
While being kind should be the default not for any particular gain, it’s also the case that when you treat others nicely and do favors they are more likely to do the same for you.
Just as you should never underestimate your impact, it’s always worth treating others in kindness.
Don’t Be Afraid to Ask For Help
I know it might seem like the hardest thing to do. One of our greatest influencing emotions in human behavior is ‘shame’, and asking for help seems to bring it out. Feeling even a sliver of shame often makes us hide in our blanket cocoons hoping the world will just pass on by.
But instead of viewing help as a failure, view it instead as a lifeboat sailing you where you want to be in life.
Getting help with whatever it is you feel like you’re struggling in, be that mental wellness, finances, your career or relationships, can be a catalyst for a better life. If you admire anyone in particular, find out a bit more about their journey and you’ll likely find somewhere along the line they asked for help and got it.
I hope that not many people will relate strongly to the story I gave at the start of the piece, but I know some will. It’s a hard thing to go through and can be a lot of pressure to say the right things when life is on the line.
Though having gone through it on both sides of the call, I can safely say I’m grateful for each breath I take. Had I not been there for my friend, likely, she wouldn’t be alive today and vice versa.
Whenever I think depression may be rearing it’s ugly head again, I remember these lessons I’ve learned and the experiences it took to learn them. Things do get better, and as the famous fictional headteacher once said:
“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” — Dumbledore (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban)
