When Privilege And Control Soar We Lose Touch With The Marginalized

I am weary of the fragile white ego that is so prevalent in our culture. We white people need to do better.

If you spend time on social media, particularly Twitter, you don’t have to look far to see examples of white fragility. White people, especially middle-aged white folks, seem to suffer from acute privilege syndrome. It needs to stop.

Recently, I read Shannon Ashley’s excellent article about Rebel Wilson’s Instagram post announcing she was in a relationship with a woman. You can read that article here. I didn’t realize Rebel was basically forced to reveal her same-sex relationship by a reporter for a newspaper who alerted her he was about to publish an article about it (he wondered if she wanted to comment). To make matters more interesting, an opinion piece was published in the newspaper shortly after her announcement decrying that she scooped the journalist and the paper he worked for and denied them the story.

Absurd. This white male journalist was offended that Rebel dared to control the narrative of her own life. This is such bullshit. He was angry that she essentially hijacked his story by sharing a very personal detail about her life on her own Instagram page. The newspaper then doubled down in support of their journalist because, of course, they did. When did (some) journalists become so entitled?

Daily, I see middle-aged white men on Twitter sexualizing women’s posts that are in no way meant to come across sexually. When called out for their creepy behavior, these men attack with gems like “you women would be worthless without compliments from men.” One woman I follow recently posted pictures of her stylish shoes and received a flurry of sexually explicit responses from white men who wanted to meet her, and her shoes, in the bedroom. Additionally, I regularly see videos and text screenshots of men angry because a woman they don’t even know hasn’t responded to their requests for more personal contact.

The white fragility isn’t unique to white men; we have all seen the “Karen” videos on social media. I have never been so grateful that my mother didn’t choose to name me Karen. I have yet to see a person of color act like any of these entitled white women. There are so many ridiculous examples of older white women acting like out-of-control toddlers that I started to think maybe the videos were staged.

Are there really this many middle-aged white women out there who think it’s ok to act the way they do? When did it become acceptable, funny even, to make an entire plane full of people return to the terminal so security personnel could enter the aircraft, handcuff, and escort middle-aged white women off the plane because they refused to wear a mask?

Last week I saw a disturbing video of a young white man berating an interracial couple out for a walk. He was ranting, raving, and threatening them as he walked down the middle of the street simply because he didn’t believe in interracial relationships. How has this behavior become normalized in predominantly white cities and towns?

And, what shifted in American culture that signaled white men that they are entitled to run roughshod over women? I have an opinion on this but will allow you to form your own.

This type of controlling behavior seems even more rampant among white men who claim to be lovers of God. Suddenly, it is on-brand for evangelical men to champion taking away women’s rights in the name of following God. And it is equally on-brand for evangelical women to happily surrender their rights, opinions, and decision-making abilities to their husbands.

We are a nation full of white people who have been told we can, and should, have it all. We are regularly informed that we, as white people belong here and should never be inconvenienced, especially by a person of color. We need to utter “all lives matter” when we see a Black Lives Matter protest. We sit and wonder why people of color can’t just be glad for what they have. Sometimes I am embarrassed to be white, especially when I see examples of the fragility of the white ego.

I wish I had a solution to this rampant cancer. We white people need to educate ourselves on the history of people of color in our nation. We need to understand the travesty of slavery, and how that history has impacted the generations that followed in ways we will probably never understand. We need to check our privilege. Daily. And if you are a white evangelical, you need to remind yourself that the Bible is full of references and that God’s priority is to care for the marginalized.

If you find this ruffles your feathers, know that I am speaking to myself first. I have so much to learn.