When Politics Destroy Friendships

Some say that one should never let politics get in the way of a friendship. But as life has gone on in America, the differences between our two political parties have grown increasingly irreconcilable. It’s not that talking politics has ever been a particularly easy conversation. But these issues effect our lives and there’s a lot at stake with each of our elections. It saddens me that there are friends now that I’ve lost to politics.

But when Bush was president, it at least felt possible to talk to our opponents. When Obama was president, it was a change that was a lot for many Americans to get used to. But even with tensions at their worst, most Americans didn’t believe that those on the other side of the aisle represented an existential threat to our democracy. Times have changed. The divide between Democrats and Republicans is a gap that’s grown impossible to bridge.

I haven’t had a lot of friends these past few years who support Trump. Of the three that I had, two of them went down the Qanon rabbit hole. Of those two, one of them blocked me on all social media. The other one I exchanged some fairly heated words with on a few occasions surrounding the 2020 election cycle.

“It’s hilarious you think Biden won without rigging the election, they already found hundreds of thousands of dead people that voted, and millions of fake ballots and that’s already a proven fact. Hmm I wonder who owns the election machine company that has d the so-called glitch that made thousands of fake votes, oh [I know] nancy pelosi,” he claimed in one message. It was pretty clear to me that there wasn’t much to be gained from this conversation. But I pressed. It was interesting getting some insight into his thinking on this issue.

“I wonder why homeland security stepped in to recount all the mail in ballots? Hmm because it’s rigged, I wonder why liberals kept people from pole watching? Hmmm cuz it’s rigged”

I sent him links discrediting these assertions and pointed out that Trump’s campaign had been sending out texts and emails prompting his supporters to intimidate Democratic voters.

It was shortly after showing him this text message that he stopped trying to discuss the actual issues.

“Yea you’re retarded and blind to the truth the world would be better if all liberals dropped dead over night it would be nice if it was possible to genetically change covid to only kill liberals😂😂 I guarantee the world would be a better place over night,” was the last I heard from him until after Biden’s inauguration. I had assumed that this would probably be the last time that we would ever speak.

When Biden was inaugurated, I was surprised to hear from him once again. He sent me a screen recording he’d taken of some incredibly fringe Qanon message board in which a video attempted to point out it wasn’t really Biden in office and that it was all staged. It was impossible to take seriously. It frustrated him when I pointed out that this was probably thrown together by a conspiracy theorist in a basement somewhere. I’d more or less given up on civility after our prior interaction.

“look at real Oval Office pictures there’s landscaping covering almost every window and you see [no] cars, I’m guessing the news channels edited it to in their basements, and this is where you lose me because you will try to dispute video evidence, I guess if someone commits murder on video you can say oh some guy in his basement edited it,” he stated, arguing that Trump was actually still in power. But he seemed a little conflicted on the issue.

“ I can’t wait to walk all over you when Biden gets kicked out of the “office” you’re going to be so butt hurt when that day comes, the military has already taken control of the govt, but you won’t know that because you watch brainwashing CNN for your info,” he concluded.

When I stated that these arguments were as baseless as the conspiracy theories surrounding the moon landing and JFK’s assassination, his argument quickly devolved into personal insults. That was the last I ever heard from him.

I doubt my story here is unique. The rise of conspiracy theories has had a crippling effect on our country. Families have been torn apart by the political differences we’re now dealing with.

I have one remaining friend that supports Trump and our friendship has been a trying one. On some issues we can bridge some gaps. I want to believe our friendship will survive these next couple of election cycles. But when we discuss what happened on January 6th, I have my doubts. With everything that occurred during this past election cycle, it’s apparent to me that Trump would have done just about anything to stay in power. He knew that the claims he was making about widespread voter fraud were false and leaked audio recordings of his conversations have flatly confirmed that he was aware of his loss in the election.

I believe that if Trump had stayed in power, that elections might have continued to take place within our country — but I doubt they would have had meaning. Trump’s statements have made it clear that he’s cynical about the very idea of democracy. I believe that votes cast for Trump were, effectively, votes against my very right to vote. And I say this as someone who is just barely left of center. It’s a vote that’s hard for me to forgive. It’s a difficult thing to allow to go unspoken in a friendship.

But he doesn’t see it quite so simply. He says he believes in my right to vote. But he’s also expressed the Machiavellian belief that anything Trump did to stay in power was justified. He says the riot on January 6th was just about getting a review of the election, but says nothing of the reviews that have already taken place and nothing of the Trump Administration’s plans to throw out Biden votes by submitting alternate slates of Trump-loyal electors.

When presented with some of the new details that have emerged about January 6th, he attacks the source but not the information. He claims that all of the websites that dispute his narrative of that day are “fake news.” He claims Pelosi denied assistance from the capitol police but disregards the five articles I’ve sent him that flatly disprove the notion.

These hearings have shown beyond all doubt that Trump and his administration were willing to throw out the results from states that had voted for Biden. The hearings have proven that Trump and his lawyers made phone calls pressing politicians to falsely declare his victory in the election. Trump can be heard directly asking Secretary of State Brad Raffenspeger to “find 11,780 Trump votes” that did not exist. But my friend can tell me with a straight face that Trump did nothing wrong here. It makes me sad that it’s so impossible for us to understand each other.