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Abstract

new. Maybe a different angle will work. Maybe this isn’t even what I’m supposed to be doing altogether. Still, crickets.Sometimes, I knock on doors and people answer. They might even invite me in. But soon enough, I’m back in the hallways without direction. Like I don’t belong anywhere or that the Universe has forgotten to write me into its script.This happens in my love life too. When things end, I take it harder than most people. I give myself time to cry and recover. After that period, I don’t let it make me bitter. Eventually, I try again. And usually, something goes wrong. Like, weirdly wrong.Like the pathological liar. Criminal history revelations. Borderline emotionally abusive behavior. Or lying 10 years off his age. Faking accents. On some level for all, deception.After sprinkling in random unwanted life events, it seems like every area of life is weighing me down.I didn’t mean to invite you to my pity party. Like most people in North America, despite my internal rumblings, my quality of life is still higher than the average human. That’s important to point out.Still though, trying and failing repeatedly is difficult. It’s also probably the definition of life. But it’s difficult.On my good days, I point to the fact that I probably have decades left to turn my luck. But on the bad ones, those years seem far too long to live if nothing changes.<h1 id="ec47">Not Giving Up</h1>A part of me loves the advice “don’t give up!” It implies an edge of hope that something may turn if you just keep going.The other part of me is confused by this advice though. What does giving up really look like?I keep trying like you say, but really, it’s my only choice. After all

Options

, what does not trying really mean?I’m not sure giving up is an option afforded to many people. Oftentimes, not trying leads to being dead broke, alone forever, lonely, depressed, etc.When something bad or unfortunate happens to someone, often the first words out of our mouth are, “you’re so strong.”To the person, they probably don’t feel strong. They feel like they’re just doing what they need to do. In reality, they might not have another option.<h1 id="a7b7">Hope</h1>When doors keep slamming for years, your only saving grace is hope.Sometimes, when we’re looking for confidence, we can reference our previous successes. This gives us evidence that since it happened once, it can happen again.But when things keep going wrong, your evidence might be saying that nothing is getting better. When you have no evidence your efforts are moving you forward, it can be hard to keep going. Yet, there are not many other things you can do.I’ve learned that sometimes it’s okay not to have hope. Some days, I’ll have it. Other days, I’m burnt out by the disappointment of it.I think it’s important to realize we can feel hopeless but still have “hopeful” behaviors. For example, if I’m hopeless about my career, I can still take action on it. I can feel hopeless about dating but still be open with others. My soul might not be in it 100% but I believe it’s priming my body to do things that may improve my situation.<h1 id="9c29">Final Thoughts</h1>Walking in the hallways of life is lonely. When one door closing leads to another one slamming shut, it can begin to feel like you don’t belong. Despite all our failing efforts though, we keep trying. It’s the only choice we have, really.</article></body>

When One Door Opens, Another Slams Shut

Living in the hallways of life…

Do you ever feel like nothing is working out?

Like really… nothing?

Maybe your work situation isn’t what you want. Perhaps your relationships suck. Or they’re non-existent. Maybe everywhere you look, it’s a bit of a disaster.

In general, your life just isn’t what you thought it would be. If someone gave you a map 10 years ago, you’d have no idea where it would lead — but you’d hope it wouldn’t lead here.

In an effort to “stay positive” and make things better, we keep trying to improve our situations. We’re well aware we’re the only ones who can change it. Yet, we can’t. It doesn’t pan out. We keep meeting the same endings or problems.

And we keep trying…

Slamming Doors

I feel like I’ve been on this loop for a while. It consists of me trying and failing. At everything. I’ve tried different things career-wise and project-wise. It all fails. I feel like I’m not where I should be. My younger self was depressed but excited to do things in the world. The older me is depressed and feels like life won't let me do things in the world. When something doesn’t work, I don’t just stand there. I’m proactive. I try something new. Maybe a different angle will work. Maybe this isn’t even what I’m supposed to be doing altogether. Still, crickets.

Sometimes, I knock on doors and people answer. They might even invite me in. But soon enough, I’m back in the hallways without direction. Like I don’t belong anywhere or that the Universe has forgotten to write me into its script.

This happens in my love life too. When things end, I take it harder than most people. I give myself time to cry and recover. After that period, I don’t let it make me bitter. Eventually, I try again. And usually, something goes wrong. Like, weirdly wrong.

Like the pathological liar. Criminal history revelations. Borderline emotionally abusive behavior. Or lying 10 years off his age. Faking accents. On some level for all, deception.

After sprinkling in random unwanted life events, it seems like every area of life is weighing me down.

I didn’t mean to invite you to my pity party. Like most people in North America, despite my internal rumblings, my quality of life is still higher than the average human. That’s important to point out.

Still though, trying and failing repeatedly is difficult. It’s also probably the definition of life. But it’s difficult.

On my good days, I point to the fact that I probably have decades left to turn my luck. But on the bad ones, those years seem far too long to live if nothing changes.

Not Giving Up

A part of me loves the advice “don’t give up!” It implies an edge of hope that something may turn if you just keep going.

The other part of me is confused by this advice though. What does giving up really look like?

I keep trying like you say, but really, it’s my only choice. After all, what does not trying really mean?

I’m not sure giving up is an option afforded to many people. Oftentimes, not trying leads to being dead broke, alone forever, lonely, depressed, etc.

When something bad or unfortunate happens to someone, often the first words out of our mouth are, “you’re so strong.”

To the person, they probably don’t feel strong. They feel like they’re just doing what they need to do. In reality, they might not have another option.

Hope

When doors keep slamming for years, your only saving grace is hope.

Sometimes, when we’re looking for confidence, we can reference our previous successes. This gives us evidence that since it happened once, it can happen again.

But when things keep going wrong, your evidence might be saying that nothing is getting better. When you have no evidence your efforts are moving you forward, it can be hard to keep going. Yet, there are not many other things you can do.

I’ve learned that sometimes it’s okay not to have hope. Some days, I’ll have it. Other days, I’m burnt out by the disappointment of it.

I think it’s important to realize we can feel hopeless but still have “hopeful” behaviors. For example, if I’m hopeless about my career, I can still take action on it. I can feel hopeless about dating but still be open with others. My soul might not be in it 100% but I believe it’s priming my body to do things that may improve my situation.

Final Thoughts

Walking in the hallways of life is lonely. When one door closing leads to another one slamming shut, it can begin to feel like you don’t belong. Despite all our failing efforts though, we keep trying. It’s the only choice we have, really.