When You’re Offered A Seat At The Table, I Hope You Accept

The biggest lesson I learned from the boss ladies at my corporate job

I recently attended a virtual event at work hosted by one of the senior managers at my company. The senior manager, whom I worked with on a planning committee, extended the invite to me a few days prior with little context. I joined a bit late as I wrapped up another call so I had no idea what the meeting was about or what the agenda was. All I knew was that the meeting started at 5 pm.

Being the most junior in the room

When I joined, I couldn’t help but take a look at the list of attendees and their titles. There were women in executive leadership, senior managers, and managers alike. This was my first time being invited to this event and I was the only junior analyst in the room. I quickly felt out of place and thought to myself, okay what am I doing here? To make matters worse, this seemed to be a tight community of women. Women who were addressing each other by names and referencing personal details about each other’s lives. They knew exactly which projects each was working on, and all seemed to have closely worked together in the past.

I quickly caught on and realized that the women were going around pop-corn style and sharing their “boss girl moments” of the week. Some were professional, sharing big wins in their projects and goals at the leadership level.

Some were deeply personal, sharing the feeling of finally being able to take a day of rest after balancing 3 projects and 2 toddlers.

Most of them shared on behalf of the other women in the room, showing appreciation for the boss girl moments of their colleagues and friends. The entire time, the meeting chat was going off with comments of praise, validation, and support.

Round table talk

This was not one of those meetings where only 2 or 3 people talked while the rest of the attendees were on mute. The organizers of the event were specifically calling for every person to share. At that moment, I did not feel like I had a so-called boss girl moment to share, and these women, despite knowing each other, did not know me. Even in this positive environment where the theme of women supporting women shone through, I felt extreme discomfort and out of place.

As the women slowly made their way through the attendance list and each person shared, I stayed quiet in the background, hoping that they would not notice me. I even debated whether I should silently leave the call. Besides, who’s going to notice? A quick “have to drop, but thank you for this!” message should suffice?

But at the same time, I really really did not want to. I was deeply moved by the dialogue that was taking place, and I was inspired by the level of community and camaraderie these ladies had among each other.

Addressing self-sabotaging thoughts

At that moment, I really questioned why I didn’t feel comfortable introducing myself and sharing my thoughts, even in an environment so warm, welcoming, and open. What does this say about how I would act in a less welcoming work environment? My job requires me to interact with people on a daily basis, and the practice of exchanging ideas is a key part of what we do. It’s not always the case that the people you work with are going to be approachable and inviting.

I also thought about how I promised myself that 2021 was going to be the year to challenge myself — especially my brain. Sometimes, my thoughts sabotage me and I can’t trust them. If I had listened to my thoughts, then I would have left the conversation and missed out on this opportunity to hear from, learn from, and connect with these amazing, powerful women in my company. Women that I knew I looked up to and aspired to be like someday.

So, despite my discomfort, I stayed for the entire conversation and when nobody else was left to share, I un-muted my microphone and turned on my video camera.

Hi, for those of you who don’t know me, my name is Lilian and my girl boss moment for this week is me taking active steps to counteract my imposter syndrome.

I went on to share how I, like many others struggle with imposter syndrome in the workplace and outside the workplace, despite my confidence in my ability to deliver. I talked about how it persisted even in moments where I am welcomed and invited. I brought up the first article I wrote on Medium, about changing your self-talk to address imposter syndrome and how I continue to work towards better self-talk.

Corporate culture can cause women and people of color to experience imposter syndrome more often than other groups because of a lack of representation in successful leadership roles. A study in 2019 found that for every 100 men that got promoted to leadership roles, only 72 women got elevated to management. So despite being equipped with the background, skillset and ability to thrive in challenging roles, people’s internal feelings are exacerbated by corporate reality.

The women were super supportive and were kind enough to express interest in reading my writing and the topic of imposter syndrome evolved into a larger discussion about career advice from the leaders on the call.

Always ask

You should always ask, she said. Ask for what you want, and keep asking. Nobody is a mind-reader so if you never ask, you will never get to where you want to be.

And while I agree with this piece of advice, it brought me to an even greater discovery.

You may not always be invited. If not, ask. But if you are invited, I hope you accept.

Show up and speak up

I feel incredibly fortunate to be surrounded by supportive and enabling people at my work. But ultimately, it doesn’t matter how supportive my external circle is if I personally don’t address that inner dialogue that may prevent me from showing up.

Because I showed up, I had the opportunity to hear from my company’s great leaders. I tuned into a dialogue that I had no idea existed. I got to participate in a discussion that meant a great deal to me, and would later ultimately shape how I viewed myself and my career.

Really, this is a reminder to myself and anyone else who experiences self-sabotaging thoughts.

I hope you bring yourself, your ideas, and your perspective — despite that nagging thought in your mind that perhaps you don’t deserve a seat at the table.