When Nothing Makes Sense

Summary

The content reflects on the internal struggle of an individual grappling with self-doubt, depression, and the questioning of one's own sanity in the face of repeated failures, despite a history of success and intelligence.

Abstract

The article delves into the psyche of someone who, after a series of setbacks, begins to question their self-worth, intelligence, and mental health. It portrays the depth of despair and the existential crisis that can follow when one's confidence is eroded by perceived shortcomings. The individual, once successful and recognized for their intelligence, now faces a debilitating loss of confidence and self-belief,

A sneak peak into the mind of the insane

In matters that concern myself I just don’t see with clarity Not anymore

Am I really sick, or is that just an excuse Maybe I’m not working hard enough Maybe I need to try more

But if I try and try and fail How much harder can I try Is this really a sickness

Am I inhibited I really think I’m on the borderline of madness Insecurities are so high I don’t believe a word I utter Or action committed

No matter how much I practice My confidence is at an all time low Everything I do I question I don’t believe in me

Am I really sick I don’t fucking know Or maybe I’m just not good enough

Sometimes it gets like that When you’re feeling down and out Depression is all you seek Your one way ticket away from reality A giant fall to insanity

Question everything Till you believe in nothing

What is life, is it worth living? Who is God, is he really out there? Who am I, what’s my purpose?

I don’t care to go into the nuances Of questions raised about the values of existence Point is I’m asking them to begin with

A sneak peak Into the mind of the insane One unfit and unwilling to conform

I wrote this following a conversation I had with an old friend who fell into a deep depression due to pressures and expectations bestowed upon him that he just couldn’t cope with anymore. What’s striking is he’s really intelligent and he’s someone who’s known success for a majority of his life. However, upon a few failures, he started questioning everything he’s ever done. His confidence was completely gone, he genuinely felt he was stupid and he just didn’t believe in himself anymore.

He’s also been diagnosed with severe anxiety, but he doesn’t know if his shortcomings are as a result of his ailment or a lack of work ethic; which he’s not even convinced he doesn’t have. He thinks he works hard enough but results have said otherwise. So he begins to question many things about himself, he even starts questioning his sanity, and nothing makes sense to him anymore. He seems very far gone and far from reality.

I don’t know who needs to read this but I believe failure is a part of existence and our shortcomings don’t define who we are.

Thank you for reading, and thank you to Dr Mehmet Yildiz and the Illumination team.