Life Lessons

When My Spouse Goes Out with His Two Friends, There Cannot Be Three Women with Them

We are talking about a potential mass-extinction event

“sacrifice is giving up something you love for something you love more. So” ― Cindy Beall, Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken: Finding Forgiveness and Restoration

My spouse is headed out the door to meet with his friends. One of his friends is a divorced man who cheated multiple times on his wife. The other is a still single 54-year-old who trades women every year like they are cars. I know both men. We have had them over with and without their current girlfriends.

My husband looks handsome. He is a big man, but he knows how to wear his clothes. He’s wearing a sweater I picked for him, his khaki pants, and nice gym shoes. I check to make sure his wedding band is on his finger. I am also meeting a couple of friends for drinks. My wedding ring is on my finger.

We know bumping into each other’s group is a possibility. Although we start at different places, we are adults; we can decide to go elsewhere. We will not go too far from home. Bars in the area are limited, so we may see each other while we are out. It has happened before.

Before he leaves, I say, “Hey, you know if I go out and bump into you and your boys, there cannot be three women with you.”

My spouse replies with a smile, ”Oh, don’t you trust me?”

I reply, “And you act like you don’t know me. What would happen if I walked up on two men and my husband with three women?”

My husband kisses me on my lips. “Now you know I would never cheat on you,” he says. “I go out with these guys all the time. They know how you are.”

“Do they? What is important to me is you know who your wife is. Let me ask you again, what would happen if I came across you, those two and three women?”

“There would be war. You would not listen to any explanation that I provided. Even if it were perfectly innocent and I could prove it, we would have a rift in our relationship that would take time to heal,” he states.

“There is no way to explain it. Three women and three men at a table is a woman for every man. It is called couples. I would race home to decide which of your favorite possessions I wanted to burn first. There would be some Waiting to Exhale car burning action in our driveway,” I reply.

“Yes, he says, you are unreasonable when you get wound up.”

“Remember that while you are out gallivanting around. My eye is probably on you.”

He says, “And what if I come upon you and your friends with three men?”

“If you come across me, my friends, and three men, it’s not me. We are not trying to attract men tonight; it is a girls’ night. Unlike you guys, we have no problem communicating with men trying to pick us up. We do not want their company.” As I spoke, I stuck my tongue out to ensure he understood my feelings. “Don’t believe your lying eyes.”

My spouse laughed, kissed me, and walked out the door. I checked my phone to ensure his tracking app was running. I headed out the door to meet my friends.

I have been married for decades because, at my house, we tell each other where we are going, who we will be with, what we will do, and when we will return. This is the minimum information required when leaving our home. A simple text will suffice if we decide to go somewhere else with our friends.

Having been together for decades, we know the expectations in both directions. We need to act like married people no matter who we are with.

Our single friends can do whatever they want; we cannot. Both of us expect the other to behave like our marriage is important. There will be no impropriety on either side tonight. We will have fun with our friends and come home to our honey. It has been like that since the day we met.

Toni Crowe retired from corporate America as an Executive Vice President for a Fortune 500 Aerospace company. She learned many hard lessons on her way to success, which she shares in her book, Bullets and Bosses Don’t Have Friends — Winner of the 2019 Readers Favorite Gold Award in Non-Fiction, Occupational. Available on Amazon.com and Kindle Unlimited. A must-read for those trying to get ahead.