When My Mind Leaves My Body Behind

A poem about dissociative disorders

I sit in my room looking at nothing My mind drifts away into the void Floating away from my body I am here but not here

Hours pass and then I return Back in my body to discover what has happened A different room and different clothes Trying to find my missing time Piecing the puzzle in my mind

Retracing my possible steps Searching for the clues What did I do? I can’t remember

Dishes in the sink have appeared Washer running clothes being cleaned Searching for where my phone maybe An alarm goes off for a timer that was set

Trying to rack my mind for what I lost Black emptiness filled the spot Confusion clouding my thoughts How can there be nothing in its place

A bookmark in a foreign book Notebooks covered in words that aren’t mine Who had used this body while I was away No thank you note was left behind

Memories taken away from my mind Holes in my story left undefined Things that I should know as fact Leave me guessing to fill in the blanks

Dissociation’s when your mind slips away A normal thing that happens to all But not this way A trip home from work You arrive and disconnect from your auto-pilot

When your mind detaches from yourself Taking chunks of your life away When your auto-pilot is as real as you Their own person in their own right A different name and their own mind

When things get too much They can take your place Protecting me from what I cannot endure Locking away the events in my life Keeping me thinking everything was fine

A blessing and a curse Survival at a high cost I am happy because my brain has lied File folders tucked away Password protected without my consent