When Men Want 'Trad' And 'Feminine'

They’re playing women for fools.

Some “Christian pastor, husband, father of 5” recently blew up Twitter with his pronouncements on what women should be doing. As usual, women didn’t ask him, but he seems to think Jesus would want them to know, anyway. He also has some tips for men, but they're generally not supportive of women either.

In his inimitable, incel-lite fashion, he proclaims that —

"Joyful masculinity is powerfully world-shaping.”

And, of course —

"Smiling femininity is powerfully culture-shaping."

And breathe.

According to Pastor Brian, women:

“… underestimate the influence they would wield at home with a few simple acts: Dressing femininely. Smiling a whole lot. Cultivating sexual responsiveness. Covering offenses with grace. Verbally respecting her husband.”

In other words, “Look, ladies, I know it’s hard for you to understand, but if you’d just tidy yourselves up, paste a smile on, put out when we want it, and don’t talk back, we’ll let you think you have some sway here.”

Sold!

Did he miss a few history classes or conveniently ignore a salient fact? Women have done (or been coerced into doing) all of the above for centuries, and it didn't yield an iota of influence. Brian knows that, though. His use of “would” infers it’s something women have yet to achieve, but he's proposing they do the same old things anyway. Hmmm.

It's bad enough telling women to go back to ‘traditional ways’ when all you want to do is control them, but when you wrap it up as some empowerment tool? Dude, look at the proof. You acknowledge women don’t have influence despite having done it the ‘tradtional’ way. Your logic is flawed, and you're taking women for idiots, because —

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Unsurprisingly, a desire for the old ways is on the rise with some men. I mean, this equality stuff is hard work.

Who wants to help with bathtime when you've been at the office all day? Who wants to fold laundry after a ten-hour day? Allocating the ‘house and kid’ stuff to your woman means you get to come home, kick back and have a few cold ones. Or better still, meet the guys after work and have a few cold ones.

Not only do you get to skip all the boring stuff like picking up toys, gathering laundry, food shopping, and cleaning toilets, but you also have control of the purse strings. You get to say how much money you can keep for yourself. None of that fifty-fifty stuff. You can keep her on as tight a leash as you want if you manage things cleverly.

And, us women — do what you want, but please, there's nothing edgy or rebellious in declaring yourself a trad wife. Nothing. Women have been wearing that t-shirt for eons, and it’s now in the recycling bin. Even your own mothers are too young to have been traditional 50's housewives — but if they had been, they'd remember that it's rose-tinted at best.

There's a reason women fought for access to a wider variety of education and jobs. Back in those good old days, trapped in the house, careers were limited, they couldn't open bank accounts, rack up a credit score, or be raped by their husbands.

Yup. That phrase “cultivating sexual responsiveness.” What do you think it means?

Those wives were completely at the mercy of their husbands. One wrong move and they were toast, including daring to age. And if he left, the first line of attack was that he made all the money, so he gets to keep it. That’s why you’ll hear so many older women now advising young women to maintain their financial independence.

Even if you believe feminists have screwed themselves over because it turns out women can’t have it all, it doesn't mean the so-called traditional way was better. It means women are fed up with still doing the lion's share of domestic and parenting work and want more equality at home. While that means something's gotta give, it doesn't have to be jobs and independence.

This realization that there’s a third option doesn't sit well with some men, hence the harking back to a more traditional set-up. “Okay, ladies, this has gone far enough. Get back in the kitchen.”

And guys, if my women-centric argument doesn't persuade you, consider this — Hand in hand with 'trad' wifeliness is toxic masculinity (yes, I'm using that word). As our pastor above tweeted on Sep 3:

“Raise your sons to play the man, not cower in fear when enemies are at the gate. Raise your daughters to love strong men, not weak men they can rule over.”

Bit of a tall order, isn't it? Play the man? Never be afraid? (And if you are afraid, you’re a coward.) If there's a whiff of equality in your house, you're weak and whipped?

If you're happy working your fingers to the bone and never seeing your kids, with a wife whose only purpose is to serve you, just remember another old saying — “No one gets to the pearly gates and wishes they’d spent more time at the office.”

Seriously, knock yourselves out, but know that the pool is shrinking and you’re the reason. According to the Pew Research Center,

“Men are far more likely than women to be on the dating market: 61% of single men say they are currently looking for a relationship or dates, compared with 38% of single women.”

In other words, more and more women are looking at what’s on offer and choosing (yes, choosing) to remain single. Or, as actress Emma Watson put it in 2019, “self-partnered.” I know it’s a mildly ridiculous phrase, but it means she doesn’t need a partner to feel complete. Like many single women, her life is already complete.

Although a few modern women are going back to traditional ways, most women have long since realized that the set-up wasn’t built for them and did nothing for them, hence its extinction.

They're looking for a partnership, not indentured servitude.

Hoodwinked, no more.