When Memories Fade

Summary

The text reflects on the pain of fading memories of loved ones who have passed away, emphasizing that while time may blur these memories, the love remains.

Abstract

The author shares a personal reflection on the loss of a close friend, Nonye, and the experience of attending a funeral where the memory of the deceased's favorite color, emerald green, triggers a moment of connection and sorrow. The narrative weaves through the struggle to hold onto memories that are inevitably fading, acknowledging the guilt that comes with forgetting, yet finding comfort in the enduring love that persists despite the passage of time. The piece concludes with an acceptance of the natural process of memory loss as a mechanism for healing and a reminder that love transcends the limitations of memory.

Opinions

The author believes that time can both heal and steal memories, suggesting a complex relationship with the passage of time following a loss.
There is a sense of guilt associated with the fading of memories of a loved one, but the author argues that this is a natural part of the healing process.
The author holds the opinion that love continues even after memories fade, implying that the emotional bond with a loved one is not dependent on the vividness of one's recollections.
The text suggests that it is acceptable to forget details about a deceased loved one, advocating for self-forgiveness and understanding in the grieving process.
The author finds solace in the ability to communicate transparently with the memory of their friend, indicating that internal dialogue can be a source of comfort and continuity of the relationship.
The piece conveys that life lessons and personal growth can emerge from reflecting on these small, poignant moments of life and loss.

The moment:

It was a lovely service. I think you’ve met Biodun, he liked fast cars and so did you. You would have remembered Yemisi from Freedoms Ark, she was there too. Dolapo was a perfect match for Biodun. They were childhood sweethearts and eloped from Nigeria. Very romantic. I know you would have thought so.

“Did you like Emerald green?” My memories are fading ever so slightly.

Biodun’s memories would be painfully sharp. He would remember her smile, the tender looks, zest for life. She promised they would be fifty together and she kept her word. Then she left. Just like you did.

Reflection:

Time is a healer, but sometimes it also steals memories.

My best friend, Nonye was just over forty, when she died of lung cancer about 9 years ago. It was a shock, we had all our years ahead of us, so much to share and do. She knew my friends and family and I knew hers. We spoke about everything, from black hair care to boyfriends and church. From moving to the suburbs to buying a new car. I knew most things about Nonye, but with time, my memory faded.

Did you like Emerald Green?

My classmate, Biodun lost his wife Dolapo, and I attended the funeral wake a few months ago with over 500 other mourners. The men wore white and the ladies, emerald green. It was her favourite colour.

As I sat listening to the tributes, I thought about Nonye, did she like emerald green? I would have known this, but I struggled to remember, so I asked her. She was silent. Gone forever.

The question may be unanswered, but the love remains

In her silence, I felt a little guilty. I was not meant to forget. The truth is ‘time dulls the memories.’ It’s the best way to take the pain away. But in that moment, Nonye felt near. I could speak to her the way we always chatted, with transparency, love and acceptance.

It was a comfort to know that I could be fully myself, once again with my friend. Yes, the memories faded, but our love held on.

Because love is acceptance.

I accept she left, as she accepts that I live.

When Memories Fade

A Tiny Life Moment about loss and fading memories

The moment:

Reflection:

Takeaways:

Join us

Join Us in the Tinies

Life lessons from the moments we experience