When Love Is More Than Two: How It Feels to Date Multiple Partners at Once

The naked truth about polyamory in the age of loneliness

In a time when loneliness is so common, what do we do about finding intimacy?

With the rise of online dating, many have learned to cope with the isolation of failing relationships or being single by simply taking another swipe right.

Polyamory is a lifestyle involving relationships with more than one person leading to what is known as a polycule, i.e., a group of people partaking in a consensually non-monogamous relationship.

While this living arrangement may be new to some people, it’s not a new idea.

The term “polyamory” was coined in the 1990s, but this rather peculiar lifestyle is nothing new and has long been at the forefront of sexual and cultural evolution in Western society.‍

Hence, to be in a “polycule” can be a challenging game to play when it comes to love.

Polyamory involves more than two partners falling in love with each other. The option of sexual non-exclusivity may or may not be part of the picture.

When you have more than one partner, your relationship dynamics change, which can impact your mutual connections.

What’s your take on polyamory?

Do you believe that a culture of open relationships in our society will likely rise up and allow us the freedom to pursue a relationship with more than one person, even with all these social and religious mores, or are we stuck here for the foreseeable future?

But if this situation were to change, how many people would actually live in a polycule? Who would be interested in such relationships? And how could we ever find each other?

Considering data from The Happiness Index: Love and Relationships in America: “only five percent of American couples are in a non-monogamous relationship, three percent of those being polygamous and two percent polyamorous.”

Thus, it is unlikely that this view will filter down to the masses for several generations at best.

Misconceptions about Polyamory

Despite the raw statistics, many are rediscovering their desire to be both ethical and honest while still experiencing a healthy, intimate life full of love. These people came out of the closet in droves, yet they’re misunderstood far too often.

The concept of loving multiple people simultaneously is still riddled with stigmas — don’t worry, though. As society progresses, we’ll continue to move toward a more accepting way of thinking.

And with more and more examples appearing in modern culture, I believe this acceptance will creep into every facet of society.

Starting with the fact that the word is a portmanteau, Polyamory is a largely misunderstood concept.

People tend to think about it too much in terms of what it’s not or how it’s different from ‘monogamy’ — which can be pretty much anything from serial monogamy (non-monogamous relationships that span years or even decades, with frequent betrayals of trust) to polyamory/polygamy (faithfulness within fixed limits).

As I see it, polyamory has less to do with the right to have as many partners as we want and more with the freedom of having the kind of relationship we need.

This is an exciting subject to consider for anyone not quite sure what polyamory is all about. If you are curious, the topic is easy to fall into, and I will make sure this article goes a long way toward explaining this lifestyle.

Be Open-Minded About Different relationships.

You should be open-minded. If you meet someone who has a polyamorous relationship in their life, please do not pass judgment. Be respectful of their relationship style, even if you might not understand it.

Relationships are like snowflakes — no two are exactly the same. This means that there’s not one set way how you should navigate your relationships.

It doesn’t matter if you’re in a monogamous or polyamorous relationship; in the end, everything has to be about balance.

It’s crucial to remember that you’re in control of your own happiness and well-being, so if something doesn’t feel right or isn’t working out, then it’s okay to end things with your partners.

Respect Your Partner’s Needs In a Relationship

One of the biggest mistakes found in polyamorous relationships make is expecting to sacrifice themselves for their partner’s needs.

You can’t put someone’s needs on the back burner to protect yourself or your relationship.

Be aware of any insecurities or fears your partner might have about their needs being put on the back burner in your relationship. If there’s anything you can do to ensure that you and your partner get each other’s needs met, do it.

Polyamorous relationships are about meeting a lot of different needs. You will not always be able to give a partner what they want in one relationship.

You have to be able to honor your other relationships and meet your partner’s needs in your current one.

Communication Is Key

Polyamory can initially feel intimidating, but it’s important to remember that the more people are involved in a relationship, the more communication is required.

Thus, communication is vital in any relationship but even more critical in a polyamorous one.

• You have to be able to communicate with all your partners actively;
• You have to be able to share with your partners individually;
• You have to be able to have open and honest conversations with everyone.

You need to openly address everything with your partners, namely boundaries, expectations, likes, and dislikes. If you don’t know how to do this effectively, then you’re putting everything and everyone in jeopardy, and you risk getting hurt or feeling used.

Don’t be afraid to talk about your feelings.

If you’ve ever been in a relationship, you know that communication is key to any healthy relationship. You have to be able to talk about your feelings with every partner in your relationship, even if they might hurt them.

Figure Out What Works For You

If you’ve been in polyamorous relationships before, you’ve probably figured out what works for you and what doesn’t.

Still, most of us haven’t, and it’s overwhelming. That’s how it feels when you begin dating more than one person.

• You may be flooded with emotions like love, desire, joy, and guilt.
• You might start questioning your identity and your priorities in life.
• You experience heightened moments of pleasure sprinkled with lingering moments of anxiety and fear.

In either case, the first step is to consider your values and emotional compass toward polyamory. If you’re not sure, then ask yourself questions like:

• Do I value honesty? And if so, how much do I value it? What does it mean to be honest in this situation? How would my partners know that I was being honest with them?
• Do I value loyalty and commitment? And if so, how much do I value it? What does it mean to be faithful and committed in this situation? How would my partners know that I was being loyal and engaged with them?

No relationship will be flawless— even the so-called “perfect” ones. You have to be willing to experiment with different types of relationships to figure out what works for you and what doesn’t.

Conclusion

Polyamory has the power to alter the way we see relationships radically. Instead of putting one partner on a pedestal, partners are viewed as equal parts of a whole.

While there is still work to be done, it’s important to remember that open relationships are gaining awareness and normalization all the time.

Still, polyamory has the power to alter the way we see relationships radically. Instead of putting one partner on a pedestal, the multiple members of a polycule are regarded as equal parts of a whole.

While there is still work to be done, it’s important to remember that open relationships are gaining awareness and normalization all the time.

Polyamorous relationships are a lot of work. Polyamory is not for everyone, but it can be a great way to have multiple partners in your life if you’re committed to making it work.

I would love to know how you feel about polyamory and other emergent non-conventional types of relationships. Let’s spark the discussion; please leave your thoughts below.

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