When Life Knocks You Down

When your vision goes dark, you see the light

A few nights ago my biggest dilemma was what show to binge on Netflix as I happily lay in bed reminiscing about my day. It was a great day after all. I had my first since-pandemic in-person work event that night and I met a friend for a glass-ish of wine on the way home. I was in bed by 9:30, remote control in hand, feeling on top of the world!

But tonight feels different, I’m different, and I am scared to go to sleep.

I woke up on Saturday morning exhausted, having eventually found a mindless show to binge the night before, and binge I did until 2 A.M., and oh boy did I feel it the next day!

As I had a coaching client at 8:00 A.M., I downed two cups of coffee to ready myself for an energizing morning of connection, safe space, and active listening. After the zoom session ended, I wrote a little, read a little, and basically did whatever I could to avoid studying for my licensing-exam — this looming beast of a test I need to become a licensed therapist in my state.

I grabbed my headphones, threw some sunscreen on my face, and headed out the door for a little walk to wake up my endorphins, ground myself, and be ready to tackle the Encyclopedia of Counseling, all 715 pages of it, for the rest of the afternoon.

And ground myself I did!

It was a beautiful Texas summer day; a little windy but not too hot with temps only in the mid-nineties. It had been overcast all morning so I didn’t even think to wear a hat, and of course, the sun came out in full force about midway.

I didn’t bring water with me either, because who wants to carry water and a phone, but at least I put on sunscreen, right?!

Yes, I know, that was irresponsible and flat-out stupid too. I should probably care for myself more, and at least half as much as I do for others.

My jogging playlist blaring through my headphones, I walked briskly and happily to the lake near my house, where I would see my beloved ducks and turtles and meet my friend who was on her way there — by car. She was bringing me water, so the faster I walked, the faster I got my reward!

When I arrived at the lake, three miles from home, she had yet to arrive so I found some shade and took some nature shots — my second favorite pastime to writing. I was hot, of course, but I felt fine.

I couldn’t wait for that cold bottle of water to hit my parched lips!

I eagerly pranced to the car upon her arrival, twisted the top off my bottle, and drank half of it down. It was cold, refreshing, and perfect. We started walking back towards the water and catching up on life. “So how have you been?” I asked; a loaded, open question, as this past year has been nothing short of a nightmare for most of us.

I envisioned us walking and talking, taking in the beautiful nature around us, allowing it to consume us and lift us, but instead I found myself on the ground face towards the sky, water bottles cradling my neck, then poured on my head!

That did not go as planned.

As my beautiful friend started talking, my world went dark, my insides felt nauseous, and my legs started to give. I had to sit down, I said. Her motherly instincts kicked in right away as she helped me to the ground, laid me down on the side of the running/cycling path, as I hesitated to lay with the bugs (yes, even then), and as I looked up at the blue sky unable to move, I heard “can I pour water on your head?” In my marathoning days, we did this a lot, having learned that keeping your head cool can cool your entire body down, but after 16 years in Texas and too many years away from running, I seem to have forgotten everything, including the fact that I’m growing older.

Aren’t you supposed to get smarter with age?

Thankfully, I never lost consciousness and within a few minutes I was back on my feet again, at least long enough to hop, or more like descend, into my friend’s Porsche convertible for the ride home.

I felt terrible physically, and off emotionally. But from the moment of literal darkness as my body became suppressed by dehydration and heatstroke, came light in my heart, restored faith in humanity, and new urgency and zest for the future.

As I lay on the side of the running trail, legs dangling into the path, leaves in my hair, water on my head, unable to move — I was moved to tears and beaming with joy within, as so many passersby stopped in their tracks to ask what they could do to help.

In a world that seems so angry, so disconnected, and so ugly on so many days, I was moved by the kindness, generosity, and selflessness of strangers.

As another friend so beautifully put it:

There are so many good people in this world. Sometimes they just need an opportunity to shine.

And we need to be open and willing to seeing them, to sifting through the muck of the world, and to seeing the good in others, in life, and in humanity as a whole. Yes, there is ugliness in this world, but if we are willing to look for what’s good, we’ll find beauty everywhere.

As I lay in bed that night, and the rest of the week, nervous to go to sleep for fear I may not wake (yes, I know there’s a whole lot of drama here, but this experience terrified me), I vowed to binge less Netflix and to instead use my evenings to prepare me for an amazing future. You see, who we are today sets us up for tomorrow, or as my mother so eloquently puts it:

Live today the history of your preferred future. — Dr. Talia Ziv

If I want to be hydrated for a long walk or run tomorrow, I must drink enough water today. If I want to read 21 books in 2021, I must make time for reading and prioritize it in my days or my nights. If I want to live a long life and be around for my children and my children’s children (g-d willing), I must invest in my self-care beyond pedicures and bubble baths, but also attend to my physical health. If I want to be a published author, I must write and risk and get out of my comfort zone.

I must look to the future to inform my being in the present; I must live into the life I imagine today.

Lastly, if I want to cultivate deep relationships with clients and make a meaningful and lasting impact in their lives, I must be willing to take the leap and be brave enough to take this damn exam — the one I procrastinated studying for when I went out on a whim last Saturday morning and walked three miles fueled by nothing but coffee!

Though last week’s episode grounded me in an entirely different way than intended, and I am grateful that it was short-lived and quickly mitigated, it did knock some sense into me. I went to the doctor this week for an overdue EKG and a physical, (perhaps you need to as well?), and thankfully I can sleep again.

I’ve hit the reset button on my commitment to self-care, and have a renewed sense of hope and faith in humanity.

I am older now and though perhaps not always wiser, I see the light as I see my life’s clock ticking. I am closer to 50 now and time does not last forever; it’s time to be who I’ve always dreamed of being.

Galit Birk, PhD is a life coach and a soon-to-be-therapist. She has a PhD in Psychology and a Master’s in Counseling. She is a writer, an editor, and a poet. She is a single mom. She is a deep-feeler who is passionate about people having it all, and living a life they love! Follow her on Twitter and Instagram, and use her referral link to sign up for Medium membership.