When Life Gives You Lemons in the Form of Illness

Turn them into roses and find out what really matters

The lucky ones of us go through life without too many major upsets. No serious illness, no major disasters. I’m not going to say any death as that comes to us all. In the end.

But what of the rest of us? Which in real terms is the majority. Life can deal disasters but it’s how we deal with them that matters. We can either sink into oblivion in the armchair or under a duvet and head further into trouble or we can have the proverbial epiphany moment. I’m having one of those right now and as I’m under a pen name I’m going to bore you all with it.

I know of a fifty-two-year-old lady. She looks after a few sheep and she likes writing. That lady is called Vee and she’s me. In February or March next year I’m facing open-heart surgery for a severely stenosed Aortic heart valve. The death rate for the operation is two percent so a ninety-eight percent chance of walking out of the hospital is pretty damn good odds in my book. To look at me you’d never know it. My Cardiologist thankfully describes me as “very unusual and very fit”. And from what I know of Doctors they all love “very unusual”.

I’ve known about my heart for about three years now but have managed to evade a surgeon and do three lambing seasons despite it. My personal Doctor is well used to my plaintive cries regarding the timing of hospital appointments. “But I’ve got the Shearer coming Saturday” has been used more than once during the Summer months. But I can evade them no longer, things need to be done.

There will be many of us on here who have faced or are dealing with serious illness either themselves or loved ones. People get through. But it changes you and it changes your thought patterns and it can change people around you. It’s happening to and around me right now and I want to talk about it.

You’ll find out who your friends are. Those that come forward and offer help. Those friends that will be there cheering you on from the sidelines. Those who will talk to you in the wee hours. A small flock of sheep and a frail husband will be catered for whilst I am in the hospital next year. I am lucky, very lucky to have them all around me.

But there are others, those who don’t want to talk about it. Those that will avoid you almost as though being with you will bring misfortune to their door. Those that may very well cast you out. As unpalatable as this sounds it happens. Be prepared for that.

Reach out to people in the same position. I’m on a heart valve forum online. It’s a soul saver indeed. You can talk about your problem. You don’t have to explain your problem because they all have the same problem. Many have had the same operation and many are waiting for theirs. No explaining, just pop online and ask your question or vent, someone will be along to talk to you and offer some advice and cheer.

What I’m writing here goes for anyone with a serious health problem. It will cause you to totally reevaluate your life. It’s causing me to totally reevaluate mine down to the very last thing. I’m finding out what and who matters to me and what doesn’t. I often think at the moment of getting this problem of mine sorted and then I’m going to start cutting out the “what doesn’t matter”. I’ll do it pretty ruthlessly but nicely because I’ll have been given another chance to do all the things and see all the people that do matter and that I hold dear.

What does greatly matter to me? My Daughter and Husband matter to me. Friends and family who are supporting me matter to me. That rather motley flock of sheep I look after matter to me and for any of you on here who are livestock owners I can utterly tell you that the health of the flock or herd most definitely depends on the health of their keeper. I pace the jobs and the two-legged and cloven-hooved flocks remain well looked after.

And my writing matters to me very very much. I’m plodding on here and loving every bloody moment. A great community of writers. The article accepted that's brilliant. The article rejected it doesn’t matter. Dust the laptop and keep going, because this writing thing I’m really enjoying and it's now part of my psyche. I should have started earlier but I certainly don’t regret starting later. What matters is I’ve started and I’ve no intention of finishing.

It’s certainly made me bolder. I don’t suffer fools too gladly. I never did but I suffer them even less now. One little heart valve has completely changed my outlook. I used to hate to ask for help. Utterly hate it. But I’ve learned that asking for help is NOT AN ADMISSION OF FAILURE. You are merely asking for help. Nothing more, nothing less, and it certainly doesn't diminish your character in any way at all.

I’ve learned acceptance. Acceptance of my problem. Acceptance that it has got to be sorted out and I will float my way there. I keep stress in my life to the very minimum now. Enough going on without adding a cup of stress to the recipe of life.

Talking to people is good, not sinking into yourself and dark thoughts. And by talking to people I don’t mean always talking about your problem. Talking about nature, something you’ve read, a new hobby or activity can really bring you out of yourself and back into the world.

I’ll be learning more along the way. About myself, about life, and about what matters. I’ll keep reevaluating and moving forward.

But whatever, I’ll keep writing.

Vee