When Life Dumps Literal Crap onto Our Roads

Summary

On August 27, 2020, a semi-truck overturned on Interstate I-70 in Jefferson County, CO, spilling 40,000 lbs. of chicken manure and causing traffic chaos, which locals saw as a fitting metaphor for the year's string of calamities, including wildfires and the COVID-19 pandemic.

Abstract

In a year marred by the COVID-19 pandemic and devastating wildfires, residents of Denver, Colorado, faced another bizarre incident when a semi-truck carrying chicken manure overturned on Interstate I-70. The accident, which occurred near the C-470 exit to Dinosaur Ridge, resulted in a massive spill of 40,000 lbs. of manure, blocking the exit for hours and causing significant traffic disruptions. Commuters, already burdened by the challenges of 2020, including poor air quality from wildfires and the global health crisis, were met with this unexpected event. The incident quickly became a symbol of the year's relentless misfortunes, with affected individuals like Shirley Mason, Travis Larson, Mike Crapper, and Joseph Dung expressing a mix of humor, resignation, and irony in their reactions to the "shit storm" that literally unfolded before them.

Opinions

Shirley Mason, a recent transplant from Grand Junction, expressed a sarcastic gratitude towards 2020 for the year's continuous string of disasters, including the loss of her home to the Pine Gulch fire and the surreal experience of being trapped behind a manure spill.
Travis Larson, who lost a family member and his job due to COVID-19, vented his frustration the night before the accident, questioning if 2020 had more misery to offer, only to be met with the ironic "shit storm" the following day.
Mike Crapper, Travis Larson's friend, echoed the sentiment of irony, highlighting the timing of Larson's grief-laden rant and the subsequent manure spill.
Biblical Scholar Joseph Dung, who was directly behind the truck when it overturned, humorously speculated about the possibility of such an event being prophesied in ancient Aramaic translations of the Book of Revelation, further underscoring the year's notoriety.

Thanks, 2020!

Jefferson County, CO. Thursday, August 27, 2020. After a spate of wildfires left Denver, Colorado, with the second-worst air quality in the world, locals awoke to a pleasant surprise. The Rocky Mountains, recently hidden behind a thick cloud of ash and smoke, were visible. Thousands flocked to Interstate I-70 to journey toward their favorite outdoor spots, anxious to breathe deeply once again.

And then, at 8:40 a.m. MST, those near the C-470 exit to Dinosaur Ridge were met with 40,000 lbs. of manure. A semi-truck carrying the fertilizer flipped, causing glorious mounds of poop to cascade forth. Thankfully, there were no injuries, but the exit was blocked for four hours, and the already-jammed traffic came to a standstill. Commuters donned their pandemic masks in their cars, and rolled up each window. Unconfirmed reports state uncontrollable vomit hit many drivers.

“Firefighters on scene say pictures don’t do smell justice.”-Jefferson County Sheriff’s Office

Shirley Mason, 65, a recent transplant from Grand Junction, got trapped behind the dung piles for hours. Between uncontrollable fits of laughter and hysterical sobs, she shared her thoughts.

“You know, I can’t imagine how 2020 could get even better at this point,” she said.

“After the Pine Gulch fire in Grand Junction — now the largest in Colorado’s history — destroyed our home, my husband and I came to stay with our daughter in Golden. We were driving with the grandkids to Dinosaur. They were supposed to begin virtual school today, but we thought what the hell — we can do ‘school’ this evening. And then, endless crap! As far as the eye could see! Simply delightful. Thanks, 2020!”

Travis Larson and his friend, Mike Crapper, were also caught in the sea of shit. “I lost my uncle and my job to COVID-19,” Travis shared. “In anger, I asked 2020 if this was all the misery it could muster.”

“Travis’ grief-laden rant occurred Wednesday night,” Crapper explained. “And then, the shit storm hit! Thanks, 2020.”

Larson also expressed profuse gratitude to the year and its constant joy.

Biblical Scholar and Denver resident, Joseph Dung, was directly behind the fertilizer truck when the accident occurred. “Piles of excrement aren’t a part of any translation I know of for the Book of Revelation, but I feel confident they appear somewhere — maybe in ancient Aramaic? I will find out. Thanks, 2020!”

It’s safe to say that 2020 may go down in history as the shittiest year of the century.

SATIRE

When Life Dumps Literal Crap onto Our Roads

Thanks, 2020!