When It’s Time To Walk Away From A Friend

Sometimes, to protect your peace of mind, you need to let them go.

Friendships are deep. They can be deeper than any romantic relationship you’ve ever had with someone.

I wish I didn’t care. I wish I could brush it off — that’s what I’ve been trying to do. But I also fear that running away from my emotions will only make them stronger.

It’s natural to fall out of touch with someone. It’s totally normal to fade out of someone’s life. It’s expected that friends will come and go. We all walk our own paths — sometimes we have to part ways.

We all walk our own paths — sometimes we have to part ways.

That’s not what hurts. I don’t care if you’re busy. I don’t care if you live across the country, you could even live across the world. I don’t expect your life to revolve around mine.

Trust me, I get it. You’re busy. I’m busy too. We’re adults now with full-time jobs. We have our families to focus on. We get in serious relationships, move in with partners, get married.

I understand exhaustion. Work is tiring, especially during those weeks with overtime. You have chores to keep up with — dishes to wash, laundry to do, groceries to buy. And even when you’re well rested and the house is clean, you’ve got money that you’re trying to save.

I’m not a great texter. I don’t respond right away and sometimes I take days, even weeks to respond. I don’t always have the mental capacity to answer texts immediately.

So, my point is that, I don’t hold friends to high expectations. And that’s because I’ll admit that I’m not the greatest friend there is. I can be super distant at times and disappear for periods at a time. I’m constantly busy and I frequently push off invitations.

What hurts is when I look back at old conversations and see that I was the only person trying.

I don’t care if you’re busy — that’s not what hurts. What hurts is when I look back at old conversations and see that I was the only person trying. I was the only one to keep the friendship going.

It turned into something where I was the only person to initiate seeing each other. All of the times we got together, it was only because I asked — not you. It was always because of me.

And then, soon enough, you stopped altogether. I continued initiating, while you began rejecting. It started off as last-minute cancellations and then turned into immediate declines.

I shouldn’t have continued reaching out to you, but I couldn’t see at the time that I was the only one trying. I was giving you too much grace. Not until looking back, rereading old messages, could I see that I was trying too hard.

You can have toxic cycles with friendships the same way you have with romance.

You can have toxic cycles with friendships the same way you have with romance. It’s much less obvious to spot — which makes it even more dangerous. We don’t realize how toxic some friendships can be.

The thing is, it seems like the only string that keeps you tied to me is politeness. You’re too polite to honestly say that you don’t want to be friends anymore. When I look back, I realize that.

Maybe you’re mad at me for something that I didn’t do, or you’re jealous, or you’re upset. Or on the contrary, maybe you don’t like me. Maybe there’s something about me that repulses you. Perhaps, our personalities have grown apart, and we just don’t click anymore.

I almost wish that you could honestly say that — admit that you don’t want to be friends anymore. I feel like I would respect you more for that. But, instead, you make an excuse as to why you’re too busy.

Unfortunately, thanks to social media, I can see that you’re still going out with your other friends. While you tell me that you’re too busy to socialize right now, I open up social media and the first photo on my newsfeed is of you and your other friends. And that’s that final nail in the coffin that reveals the truth.

I would put you above everything. And you definitely wouldn’t do that for me.

It’s not because of distance, it’s because it’s unbalanced. I would prioritize you over any other friend. I would cancel plans with someone else to go see you. I would put you above everything. And you definitely wouldn’t do that for me.

I’ve decided to walk away and you probably haven’t even noticed. It’s possible that you see that I’m not reaching out to you at all, recently. But I doubt you’ve realized it.

I fear the day that you reach out to me. I know that at some point (not for a few more months at least) that you’ll text me. You’ll only do it because you feel bad. You’ll pretend to check in on me and pretend that you’ve missed me and want to see me again.

I’m scared that I’ll fall for it again. I’ll mistake your politeness for genuineness. I’ll believe that you do miss me and I’ll try to see you again. You’ll give me a pity invite and drag your feet the whole time we’re together.

I just want to maintain my dignity. I’m not mad at you. I’m a little hurt, but mainly, I’m embarrassed.

I just want to maintain my dignity. I’m not mad at you. I’m a little hurt, but mainly, I’m embarrassed. It’s rejection and it’s humiliating. I want to be friends with you but you don’t want to be friends with me.

Let’s call it even. We go our separate ways and there’s no bad blood. Your reasons for resisting our friendship is none of my business. We both have plenty of other friends to lean on.

I’m going to have to be strong — it’s decided. I won’t reach out to you — whether it’s a phone call or an Instagram reel. And if you reach out, then I’ll have to keep my distance. I refuse to be a part of a friendship in which I’m the only one making it work. I’m not chasing after you.

Goodbye and good luck.