When is my birthday?

a free verse poem on a child’s search for his birthday

i rested by the railway tracks, on a footpath, the sound of trains resonating in my subconscious, intermingled suddenly with a thought, that startled me, to the core, when was i born? i don’t know my birth date, or memories of my parents, nor the means to their postbox, the trails where i sleep, don’t know that either.

my cognizance, trying so hard, recollect, recollect, recollect, any memories of a cold night, or of a sultry afternoon, was it a rainy evening, even the faintest of memories, would have helped, no one to ask, nowhere to go, a deep sigh is what the atmosphere gets.

but why, why am i bogged down by this thought, today? of all days, why today, why now? why do i feel this weirdness, this tingling in my brain, this restlessness in my heart? what if, is it? is it even possible? maybe i am overthinking, today cannot be my birthday.

son, wherever you are, your mother’s blessings are with you, who knows if we’ll ever meet again, the pangs of partition still looming large, but i’ll remember you always in my prayer, today, tomorrow, forever, i know very well my voice won’t reach your ears, i know very well my hearts cry would not reach your soul, the jewel of my eyes, happy birthday!

Thank you, Dr. Mehmet Yildiz, and all the editors at Illumination for sheltering so many of my poems.