Summary

A woman recounts a profound spiritual experience during an intimate moment, leading to a transformative realization of her true self and the divine feminine.

Abstract

The author shares a deeply personal narrative of a moment when her perception of herself as a woman fundamentally shifted. Engaged in an affair that felt fated, she describes how breaking societal norms led to a transcendent encounter. During sexual intimacy, she experienced an out-of-body sensation, feeling as though she had sprouted wings and become an embodiment of the divine feminine, or a "goddess." This state of being was characterized by a sense of all-encompassing power and love, detached from physical pleasure yet deeply connected to the energy of the planet. The experience profoundly impacted her, becoming an integral part of her identity that she could access beyond the confines of her physical body. Despite the initial fear for her partner's well-being during this intense episode, it marked a new "normal" for her, one that constantly reminds her of her true nature amidst life's challenges.

Opinions

The author believed that her experience was a divine revelation of her true self, transcending traditional roles and societal expectations.
She felt that the encounter was orchestrated by the cosmos, suggesting a predestined connection with her partner.
The author expressed a sense of judgment towards her actions prior to the experience, indicating a shift in her moral perspective.
She described the pleasure experienced during the encounter as beyond human, equating it to the pure energy of the divine.
The author's partner's reaction of fear and awe underscores the intensity and abnormality of the situation from an outside perspective.
The author concluded that such ethereal experiences, while challenging to maintain in daily life, are always accessible and serve as a reminder of one's true essence.

When I First Felt the Goddess

It was like wings opened behind me

Image by Adina Voicu from Pixabay (modified)

I had been a mother, wife, daughter — all the feminine roles. I thought I understood what it meant to be a woman until the day that I experienced who I truly was.

Officially, we were having an affair. It didn’t feel like that. We hadn’t been looking for it. But our worlds had collided and it seemed like the cosmos needed us to be together… at least for a time.

Maybe that’s why the goddess appeared. I wasn’t playing my roles for the first time. I wasn’t following the rules of the patriarchy. I was listening within and doing something that I had seriously judged my whole life. I had broken out of my own prison of the things I believed were taboo — especially for women — especially for me.

It happened the first time we were sexually intimate. We had known each other a long time without taking any action although there had always been the most natural and magical attraction between us.

We had decided it was time. The air was so magnetic and full. There was no need for foreplay of any kind or even sexual touching. Our entire bodies were completely alive and throbbing all on their own.

Soon, we were naked. He was sitting on the chair and I began to lower myself onto him. Up until that point, it was just two passionate people breaking through a barrier and then…

As he began to enter me, something happened.

It was like I suddenly floated up out of my body. My shoulders came together in the back, my head tipped to the ceiling and it was as if wings had formed behind me. I floated up about 5 feet above where he was sitting. He was shaking, convulsing, having no idea what was happening.

As I floated above him, it was like I was holding the whole situation. I was holding him, me, and total nothingness. I was all-powerful, yet not in a normal power-way. I was simply everything.

I could feel the pleasure of what we were doing but not in a “human” way. It was just the energy of the planet — the energy of the divine. It was just pure light flowing through us.

It was like slowing your breath down to the point that you are barely breathing at all. You are just existing in a timeless state of true love that never ends… because there is no time.

This other aspect of myself, or maybe the truest aspect of myself, was in total bliss. She was deeply becoming part of my wiring. I knew that this was my true nature… I would never be able to un-know this.

Then I heard a sound. It was him. He was screaming like he was going into convulsions. I wondered if he would have a heart-attack… I flowed back into my body, yet remained above and whispered to him, “Come darling… just let it go”.

As he released and let go, his entire body rocked with convulsions — for many, many minutes.

By the time he finished, I was now fully back in my physical body. I was still sitting on his lap looking into his eyes.

“What was that? What the f*&k was that?”, he said.

“I don’t know. But I think it’s supposed to be normal.”

This became my normal experience. Once I had felt this ethereal, powerful, loving, floating self, it became a state or version of myself that is effortless to flow into.

I can feel it sitting on a park bench. I can feel it when I look at my children. I can feel it as my partner enters the room to make love with me.

It isn’t easy to always find in the day-to-day journeys. But no matter what is happening, no matter how low a day I may have, or how challenging life becomes, that presence is always with me.

And I remember who I truly am.