Escaped from COVID, well so far. Depression got me!

Summary

A 27-year-old individual reflects on the impact of COVID-19 on their personal life, including a recent breakup and the resulting depression, while grappling with the loss of routine and human connection.

Abstract

The author, a 27-year-old single person with a stable job, shares their struggle with depression exacerbated by the COVID-19 pandemic. Despite anticipating a breakup, the global impact of the virus was unexpected. The author nostalgically longs for the pre-pandemic routine, acknowledging that the once dreaded monotony of daily life actually provided a sense of sanity. The enforced isolation and lack of physical contact have intensified the emotional toll of a recent breakup, leading to a reliance on antidepressants to cope with feelings of numbness and a disconnection from life's vibrancy.

Opinions

The author believes that the daily grind, including the stress of commuting and work, was ironically a source of stability and sanity.
There is a sense of frustration and disbelief at the timing of the breakup, coinciding with the peak of the pandemic's impact.
The pandemic has led to an increased appreciation for the simple, mundane aspects of pre-COVID life, which now seem valuable.
The author expresses a desire for human connection and the physical sensations of touch and presence, which have been lost during isolation.
There is an internal conflict regarding the use of antidepressants, as they provide sleep and numbness but also contribute to a sense of lifelessness.
The author yearns for the ability to feel any emotion strongly again, even if it is negative, as it would be preferable to the current state of emotional numbness.

My learnings during these unprecedented times

I am 27 and single. I have a decent job. I recently got dumped.

I knew I was going to get dumped, I smelled it way before it happened. But I did not smell CORONA going to screw the world. Sly move CORONA! Sly!

I am 27. Did I mention that before? Sorry about that, but yes this shitty virus is almost taking a valuable year from my life! I am in my prime age, and I could have been climbing Mt.Everest right now. But no I am not, I am sitting in my apartment and typing in bullshit!

Lately, I realized something very valuable, and in my own words,

“The mundane things that we keep doing every day are the same things that keep us sane!”

I will de-code what I just said. Pre-COVID, I was caught up in a busy clockwork work-life where all I did was wake up, iron my clothes while the sandwich gets burnt in the pan, take a deep breath and brace myself to face the terrible traffic of Bangalore, look forward to gossip with my work buddies, and pray to the ‘Time God’ to play the time a little fast so that I can go home all tired. It was mundane. I thought I was dying from melancholy. But it is only now that I have realized, that life was keeping me sane after all. Because right now, this ‘no-traffic, no-people and no-hugs’ scenario is eating me from the inside. It is injecting the ‘negativity thoughts’ serum into my brain. I am craving for my dull and boring life! Please give it back to me, please!

I recently got dumped. Did I already mention that as well? Sorry, but yes, I am so sad about it. On top of all the shitty things that are happening in the world right now, this has to happen right now! Talk about timing! I am defenceless. Low on Immunity. I am not prepared for this attack when I am solo. I need my friends. I need to go out and party hard as if nothing else matters. But I am holed up in my room, lying on my bed that has a wrinkled bed sheet, and alongside me a pillow that has lost its form from constant hugging.

What comes in handy is a dose of anti-depressant that I take every day before I go to sleep. The pill lets me sleep again. It makes me numb, and I always wake up from a good sleep. Is it okay to feel like this? I mean, is it okay to feel nothing? Lifeless? Rudderless like a log of wood on water?

I want to feel something again, I don’t care if it’s the mundanity or the melancholy of my pre-COVID life. I want to feel the touch, embrace the hugs, listen to the heartbeats, and cringe at the nastiness of my mediocre life. I want to cringe, cringe at everything. At least that. But now, I have forgotten how to feel.

Escaped From COVID, Well So Far. Depression Got Me!

My learnings during these unprecedented times