Giving

When Friends Ask to Borrow

Do you give it to them? Or does that cross a boundary?

This might ruffle some feathers. Imagine this: a friend asks to borrow something. Do you give it to them?

Is it a gift or a loan? Get your feathers ready.

You know my heart. The word “giving” is part of my three-word contract with myself. But oh, those borrowing boundaries. Hurts are going to come.

So I don’t do the borrowing things. I do the giving things. I will tell you why.

It’s easier on everyone, but I’m looking out mostly for myself if I’m to be honest (and I am).

I let them know I’m giving. If they return or payback, great, but it’s not expected. I don’t want some weight hanging over my friend and over me or our friendship to end.

Not in that way. Not because I was trying to help a friend who asked for help.

Help!?

I’m giving it away if I can. If it’s a no, I’ll try to work with my friend to find a way.

One time, I had a friend ask to borrow my car. She was honest and told me she had to do something quickly. And it sounded a bit dangerous. I gave her the keys, and she drove away.

I made up my mind, right then and there, that I might never see the woman or the car again. And I made peace with that thought.

She was hours late. This was before cell phones, so I couldn’t call her. Not that I needed to call. I was okay with it. In fact, the only thing I was concerned about was her well-being.

Eventually, she brought back the car. It was not in the same shape. She was distraught over the damage. I sat her down, and with a soft voice and soft eyes, I told her my mind.

I was super glad she didn’t get hurt. Also, in my mind, when I gave her my car keys, I was open to the possibility the car wouldn’t come back. But even better, I had made up my mind to look for another car that day.

In essence, it was a gift. And if I wasn’t willing to gift it, I certainly wasn’t willing to loan it.

If I wasn't willing to gift it, I certainly wasn’t willing to loan it.

Borrowing and loaning have ruined so many friendships and driven chasms between families.

A gift? There are not too many rifts in families or friendships with giving.

Leave the cannoli, and give the gift. Borrowing and lending is a danger to a friendship.

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