Death • Dreams and How to Persevere

When Dreams Shatter

Five Ways to Turn Your Heart Around

It goes like this. I was a straight-A student. And then we moved to the United States. I was scrambling in a new context far from what I had known the 14 years prior. This once straight-A student barely made it out of high school. The History teacher pitied me. It was all I needed. I was thankful not to have to drudge through summer school and the failed glances of my friends and family.

My parents dreamed of their children all going to college. I was not an exception. I could not convince them to let me take some time off. I eventually got accepted into a university. Again, I was unprepared. Four years later, I received a letter from the university. They wanted me to leave. My GPA had dropped so low that they could not allow me to continue. I made an appointment with the Dean to rectify this, but most likely, it was to save face with my parents. Let’s face it. I was not crushing the dreams they had for me.

My father offered to accompany me to my appointment. As we sat in the waiting room, the secretary told us that the Dean was not available and instead I would meet with the Associate Dean. A few minutes later, we were escorted into an office. There were some quick introductions, I think. It was a matter of minutes when I confessed my poor grades. I pleaded to have another semester to prove my worthiness of completing a program.

“No,” the man said. He peered over his glasses. Were there some warts on that colossal nose? I think so. I think there were. He continued, “Not only will you not be able to return to this university. You will never be able to attend another accredited university ever again.”

It was so final. The words of the warted nose man crushed my parents’ dreams and my spirit. I don’t remember saying goodbye to the ogre and soul crusher. I only remember the slow walk across the quad to the Yearbook Office, where I volunteered my time. The quiet fell around us. Eventually, my father half-whispered, “Maybe we got this wrong.” I felt the disappointment oozing from his pores — this man whom I respected so much, this man who worked hard to earn his Ph.D. and wanted the best for his children.

I didn’t allow myself to gather too much dusty misery. I found a job and worked. After a while, I remember thinking that this could not be it for me. This secretary job was not going to be my last career existence. A few days later, while eating my breakfast, an extended learning booklet from the local community college was sitting in front of me. I hesitated. School had not been kind to me. I carefully opened the booklet and saw a listing for a Career Planning class. I read the description, noticed the cost, and thought, what do I have to lose. By the end of the year, I had not only completed the class but had signed up for an Introduction to Graphic Design class. On top of that, the woman teaching the course was a counselor, and I eventually shared what happened at the previous university. She assured me that it would end with me because the community college had a close relationship with that university for transferring students.

I don’t know if she kept her promise, but it felt good to share my story again and hear someone in an authoritative position carry the pain with me. I’m thankful for that woman. She not only nudged me into the first graphic design class, but that was the catalyst I needed to launch me into an Associates’s Degree program in Advertising Design. So, I did my education backward. So what. In the end, I not only completed the program with a 3.5 GPA, but it also fueled my long career as a graphic designer and Art Director.

The moral of the story: don’t let one bad situation take you down. When people who don’t know you speak words of untruth, don’t believe them. Yes, they will sting, but keep your heart and soul intact. I know … it’s easier said than done. But believe this. Believe in yourself.

People instinctively know who they are. The road might have gotten muddy, but deep down, you know who you are. If something seems impossible, can it be made possible? Answer that question.

Here are five things to help you:

1. Take some time to be alone and reflect on who you are.
2. Make a list of things you enjoy doing. It is helpful to think about things you enjoyed when you were a young child. For example, I was a writer ever since I was young.
3. If money were no object, what would you be doing? Don’t think about it. What immediately comes to your mind?
4. If it seems like an unreasonable career path for now, what small step can you take to move towards that?
5. Turn towards your village — your support system. If you don’t have this, seek out someone wise that can spend some time speaking to you.

By the way, my academic journey did not end there. I am a lifelong learner. When I completed the Associate’s Degree, I applied to the Art Center, a prestigious art school in California. I was accepted. Remember that part about never being able to attend another accredited university again? Yes, I was doing the “take that, you ogre!” dance.

I wanted to attend, but my heart knew that if I moved across the country, I would not see my ailing father as much. I have never regretted this decision. The Associate’s Degree did not stop me from having a long and illustrious career as a graphic designer.

Years later, when I was married, I began to dream about finishing my Bachelor’s degree. The sting of the man’s words still haunted me, but I knew I needed to face that fear and give it another try. I eventually enrolled in an accelerated program to finish my Bachelor’s degree and graduated with honors. And I also enrolled in a Master’s program and graduated with straight A’s.

Most recently, I was in a doctorate program. I have taken a break because life got in the way. In the end, my parents didn’t get it wrong. I was supposed to be in school, just not that school.