Summary

Parenting begins when a parent must balance their own frustration with the needs of their child, typically around the age of three when the child starts to assert their independence.

Abstract

The article discusses the concept of when parenting truly commences, arguing that it's not merely with the decision to have a child or at the child's birth. It posits that parenting starts when a child becomes an individual around age three, expressing their own needs and emotions. The defining moment is when a parent must manage their own stress and fatigue to address their child's needs with patience and care, particularly in challenging situations like repeated requests for help with basic needs. This is when the role of a parent transitions into the active practice of parenting, requiring negotiation skills and the ability to maintain composure under pressure.

Opinions

Parenting is not simply a biological role but an active, engaged process that begins when a child starts to express individuality and needs.
The transition into parenting is marked by the parent's ability to balance personal challenges with the responsibility of caring for a child who is learning independence.
Despite the challenges, the article suggests that the fundamental duties of parenting are universally understood, though interpreted differently by individuals.
The article acknowledges that not all biological parents engage in parenting, distinguishing between the act of reproduction and the act of raising a child.
It emphasizes the importance of patience and self-control in parenting, particularly when dealing with the unpredictable nature of young children.
The article hints at the potential for personal growth through parenting, suggesting that navigating the complexities of raising a child can lead to great things as a parent.

When does parenting start?

There is a specific moment in a parent's life when parenting kicks in, and it can make or break you, or worse, the experience for your children.

Photo published by Author (Riva Kajangu)

You and your partner decide to have a baby; that's lovely. The hope is that you are in a position to care for the newborn and provide for all needs fully. But the decision alone is not parenting.

What about when the baby is born?

Let's assume that most people would guess that parenting starts from the very beginning of having a baby. That is an understandable proposal because the moment the infant arrives, your life is updated because there is a third person in your circle, if it's your first, so responsibility changes. Did parenting start? Not quite.

Newborn does not need you to parent them; they require three essential activities; feeding, sleeping, and cleaning (diaper change). Then we can add playing and constant monitoring to help them hit all necessary milestones. A mature teenager can handle the above activities; I know firsthand because, in a foreign culture, it's very common. So parenting hasn't started yet at this stage.

The baby starts crawling and making lots of noise, which is cuter at first than not. Is this when parenting kicks in? We are getting warmer to the main event but still slightly out.

Let's discept the proposition a bit.

Two people having a baby do become parents. I would argue that becoming a parent starts at a very young age. The way your parents raise you is the example you carry with you throughout your life, and when the time comes to have your own children, being a parent is already part of you.

The magical part of being a parent, even if you had a bad childhood, is that there are many examples in the world, from films to our neighbors or favorite heroes. We will pick up on how to be good to young ones. It's a universal understanding of what parents are and what their duties entail. This does not mean all of us do interpret it the same, but the fundamental is all around us.

One sad fact to outline, you can be a parent who does not do parenting. Those who fail to take responsibility for raising their offspring typically would fall into the biological parent category, a term used to identify birth parents who are not present. Some just call them sperm donors.

There is a whole reality about biological parents and sperm donors where the terms are not negative, but we will not cover that here.

So when does parenting starts?

One thing about kids is that they are sponges full of energy. Around age three, they become their own person in a way because they can share their feelings and emotions out loud. From crawling to talking only takes a few months for that achievement.

As a parent, you and your partner have a great sense of what they need and how much of it they should take. And so you will start playing tug of war with them because they understand give and take.

Side note: you can become a great negotiator by interacting with a three-year-old.

You have been a parent for three years now, and on a random day of the week, after being tired from your day job and the weather is not great, and you feel a little cold coming, you plan for a little walk outside with your kid.

Your little bundle of joy runs to you and mentions that they need a new pull-up because they pee-pee. They are in potty training, so you can give them a pass every once in a while. You change them just fine. Then you proceed to get ready for the little walk outside.

You make your way to the front door and call the little angel; he runs to you and tells you they need a new pull-up. You are stunned, of course, because you just changed them, and you know they can go to the toilet themselves well. Let's not forget that you are not in the best shape mentally and physically at the moment.

You calmly questioned the request, "what do you mean you need a new pull-up"? As cutely as ever, "I pee-pee."

Your temperature raises a little bit. As you stand there trying to figure out your options, of course, they get louder and louder because, at this age, anything in the pull-up is uncomfortable. He refuses to go until you change them again, not in a soft voice.

No way around it; you are upset.

They are very aware that you are not in a good mood, but that is beside their situation. He makes his way to his dresser and grabs the pull-up for you. You slowly walk to the room with a million thoughts firing in your mind, not-so-great ideas, and your behavior toward the thirty-second process of changing the little pull-up is when you enter the parenting realm.

Until this very moment, you were just a parent; now that you have to muster every ounce of energy to help them and suppress your anger towards them at the same exact time, parenting starts.

If and when you pass this test, you are on your way to great things as a parent. As you all know, kids will test you more than tough exams in college. At least in school, you leave the situation with a pass or fail; with kids, another exam is around the corner on the same day.

Little moments like the situation above are just a start because all of us were kids and someone, and we tend to see things differently than our parents, and naturally, it will raise conflict. But if you can control yourself while dealing with your year-old, then you will be ready for your thirteen year old