“When did you become such a Grinch?”

It’s the criticism I’ve received over and over lately…

“Why do you care if people play Christmas music before Thanksgiving?”

“The lights are a happy thing — I wouldn’t have thought you’d be against it!”

“After the year we’ve had, let people have this!”

“When did you become such a Grinch?”

The latter is a valid question — outwardly, I’m a fairly positive person, and I used to adore the holidays. The lights, the singing, the crisp feeling to the air, even the snow… But over the past several years, I’ve become more and more grumpy when, after removing their Halloween costumes, the people around me instantly don their Santa hats and break out their holiday remix playlists.

Although I‘m not actually getting angry over this, I do become withdrawn and quiet when passing a brightly lit house, and I have asked several people to turn down their Christmas music. Now matter how calmly or apologetically I do this, it is seen as angry, mean, and attempting to squash happiness. “You’re such a Grinch!”

While I do have a dog whose personality is fairly similar to that of Max in Dr. Seuss’ fable, and I do isolate myself more than normal after Halloween, this isn’t because I’m plotting to steal people’s holiday cheer — as an adult, I’ve found the holidays to be an extremely stressful and even triggering time for me, and I know my limits. The month between Thanksgiving & Christmas Day is about how much I can take of the lights and caroling each year.

I’m not the only person who feels this way, but everyone who does has their own reasons.

For me, the change was gradual. Planning for the holidays became increasingly stressful once I left college. Giving gifts, sending them, and figuring out time and methods of traveling to see family — it wasn’t what I knew of the holidays as a child and teenager. As an adult, the holidays just look like themed days that give you an excuse to spend time with family.

Along with dealing with that transition into adulthood, seven years ago, a co-worker who was also a dear friend committed suicide. Their favorite song had been “Silent Night” — which had also been my favorite Christmas song at one point. The song was played at their funeral, as well as many other Christmas songs. Even though it’s been years, I can not hear “Silent Night” or “Joy To The World” without breaking down in tears as I’m thrown back to that church, seeing my friend’s family grieving, seeing his young children who couldn’t understand yet, and dealing with my own shock and hurt over a man who had been smiling and joking with me in the break room days before, just… gone.

All of that, coupled with my personal feelings over the way our country acts as if Christian holidays are the only ones worth people celebrating or learning about together, led to me becoming known as a Grinch (and other rhyming words), especially during the month of November.

I don’t want people to stop celebrating their chosen holidays or take their cheer away — but for me personally, I’d rather not participate until the “there’s just a month left mark” of Thanksgiving has passed, and hope that the people around me will respect when I need them to tone it down a bit or give me more time to myself.

Hang your lights, decorate a tree, play your music — but rethink your comments about someone being angry or trying to stamp out your joy when they ask you to turn down the volume. It’s likely there’s something different than anger or bitterness behind their perceived Grinch-y persona.

While suicide rates do not actually rise during the holidays, they are a difficult time for many people. If you or someone you know is struggling, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1–800–273–8255