When a Tiny Decision Changes the Rest of Your Life

You will change the course of everything.

I was hit by a car when I was six years old. I let go of my father’s hand and sprinted across the street as he watched in horror.

The accident had a profound impact on me. I’m grateful to be alive and each day I think about the spontaneous ways life can open up the abyss of non-existence at any moment and swallow me forever.

Luckily, I only broke my leg. In hindsight, a broken leg doesn’t seem like a massive price to pay for a deeper appreciation of my blessings. But that’s easy to say now.

Crossing the street was one of the most important decisions I’ve ever made, and one I would never have chosen had I known what was to come.

One thing can change everything

Every hunger pang, road not taken, missed bus, few-second delay, acquaintance and conversation takes us down a different path — each of which can change our lives unimaginably.

Why did I run across the street? Why not ten seconds later? Why was the car driving at a speed that broke my leg?

Had he been going ten m/ph faster, he would have killed me. I’ve thought about it a million times.

Was this a horrible situation for a young boy? Or did it save me from something worse? Maybe there were other near misses that afternoon I’ll never know about.

If I went back and changed it, who would I have become? Where would I live? Who would my girlfriend be?

Everyone looks back on their wrong decisions because the consequences make themselves obvious.

But what about the catastrophes your so-called missteps have saved you from?

Author Morgan Housel recently spoke on Tim Ferriss’s podcast about the time he went skiing with two friends when he was 17. They knew the trail, but it was dangerous.

When they got to the bottom, his friends suggested they do it a second time. Little did they know an avalanche was impending.

Morgan decided not to go. As fate would have it, both friends died on the mountain, buried under an avalanche of snow.

“My decision to not go with them was thoughtless.”, said Morgan. “I didn’t weigh the pros and cons. I didn’t think anything of it. Had I gone, I would have died. The most important decision I ever made, and I put no thought into it.”

Thoughts arrive in your mind unauthored, and then author your decisions and you don’t know why.

Life is random

The worst night of my life was in 2011. I dislocated my shoulder in such a way that it swivelled, almost looking like my arm was on backwards. The pain was excruciating.

The doctors put me under general anaesthetic just to relocate it — something they almost never do.

The surgeon explained it was one of the nastiest dislocations he had seen, and it would almost certainly come out again, so surgery was required. It was a long and painful road to recovery.

During the scan, they located a benign tumour and discovered I had a disease that caused excessive bone pain. It was a part of why my shoulders dislocated more easily than average.

“Why me?” I thought.

“Lucky you”, they said. “Had you not dislocated your shoulder, you wouldn’t know to take precautions before something worse happens.”

Of course, you’ve messed up

Everyone worries about the “big” decisions — a romantic partner and career — that they forget the absurd randomness and consequences of the so-called tiny ones.

It takes just one mess-up to remind you of all your blunders in the past. But how were you to know? It’s unfair to put pressure on yourself to lead an unblemished life.

People misremember the past in such a way that they believe they could have made a different choice. But no one is free to do what doesn’t occur to them. Nor are they at fault for not doing it.

In every case, whatever choice we make, we only know the outcome of the one we take. No path will ever resolve this problem.

We’re born into a world without choosing who we are, where we’re born, our parents, or even the option of existence. We peer out into a world we have no real say in.

With infinite choices — and the potential paths each one opens up — the anxiety of making the wrong decision can be difficult to bear.

Life sometimes feels daunting, perhaps because we don’t know other people’s lives in sufficient detail. If we did, we would find the same fears, foibles and flaws.

It’s a profound act of compassion to use our awareness of how little control we have in life to offer understanding and empathy rather than disdain and bitterness — both to others and ourselves.

To believe people are fully in control of their success is to tacitly suggest they are responsible for their failures — an unbearable burden in a cold and unpredictable world. Treat no one — not least yourself — as if you’re fully responsible for being where you are.

Final Thought

It took me years to appreciate that I’m lucky to be alive after being hit by a car. Why wasn’t he driving a little faster?

I have no idea.

I have no idea.

I have no explanation.

Don’t get so caught up in life’s bigger decisions that you forget the freakish results of the tiny things you’d never consider.

And maybe look both ways before you cross the street.