When a Path To Your Dreams Leads Through the Unemployment Office
Leaving my job during the pandemic was a duty
I’ve contemplated the decision for months. I wrote down all the pros, cons, opportunities, and barriers. I imagined both extremes of possible scenarios — fairytale or hell.
As a career project manager, I did the SWOT analysis of chasing my dream. I just enriched it with a proper dose of drama.
For three years I wrote and managed grant projects for clients of our company, mostly small or medium enterprises. Grant business is relentless because no matter how much energy you put into a project, its success always remains in the hands of others — the evaluators.
Be it the state or regional clerks, experts in a certain field, or potential investors; someone else decides whether your client receives the money, your company receive its success fee and you receive your bonus.
Back in January I finally decided to quit. I couldn’t handle the pressure anymore, definitely not for the money I was making.
With the thirtieth birthday rapidly approaching, I persuaded myself it is now or never. In my mind, I have crossed the Rubicon and there was no way back. There was one last thing to do.
Finish and submit my biggest ever project, for my favorite client. March 18th was the deadline.
I repeatedly imagined the scenario:
“After I submit the project, I’ll walk into my boss’ office and tell him I’m done with the grants. I respect him, but I’m going my own way.”
Before I made the final decision, I stood at the crossroads with three possible routes:
- Stay in the company
- Look for another job
- Find a way to live on my terms
The first route stank like more years of self-loathing since I’ve developed an aversion to my job. If I didn’t quit, I would despise myself.
The second route was alluring. It showed me the glimpses of security and potential career growth. With my experience and soft skills, I was sure I could find a lucrative place.
The third path was veiled with fog so thick, I couldn’t see past my outstretched arm. Its aura was so mysterious. I feared I will fail enormously and never recover. Yet, I vividly saw the image of a man who found a fundamental purpose in his life.
He radiated with positivity, since every day he was doing things he loves, things he’s good at, things benefiting not only himself but the community around him.
In the meantime, I was working hard on my gargantuan project. A fantastic team emerged around our client and the mutual energy drove me forward. We applied for a grant of 1.5 million euros in the Horizon 2020, The EU Framework Programme for Research and Innovation.
The whole world shut down a week before our deadline. The pandemic has arrived.
When World Collapses, It Is Time to Be True
My self-preservation instinct started to scream:
“You’ve always been crazy, but quitting your job right now is downright insane!”
For a couple of days, I was haunted by the idea of choosing the safe route.
“Nobody cares if you hate your job. Quitting right now would be a mockery of all who lost their lives and jobs due to the virus.
However, the world around me continued to spin and the virus spread no matter my inner battles.
As a consulting company, which supports its clients with the development of their business, we were in the prime position to prove our value.
My work piled up.
I had to call all my assigned clients to consult their momentary situation and needs. We were managing their applications for rescue subsidy packages from the Czech government. To spice things up, the March 18th was looming on the horizon, only five more days till the deadline.
Looking back, I now realize what a turbulent days they were.
We concluded all final meetings remotely, I endured a pair of sleepless nights and then submitted our project via the European Commission’s online system.
The next day I handed my resignation.
I chose the third route, the concealed yet limitless one. I reminded myself of the pre-pandemic times, I have truly crossed the Rubicon.
As a project manager, I want to choose projects worth my energy. Projects focused on culture, society, education. Projects bringing value to our community or even broader society. With our small NGO, we outlined the next steps to implement an idea we have been discussing for more than a year.
I am also a part of a couple of other projects I’m thrilled about.
As an amateur writer, I decided to dedicate a significant portion of my being to hone my craft. I want to bring value with my writing.
I switched my mindset and coined the mantra:
“Now is the time to be genuine and true to yourself. Now is the time to be brave.”
Handing my resignation wasn’t a mockery to people who lost their jobs due to the pandemic.
It was my duty.
Dreams Take Shape at The Unemployment Office
Day after I left my fulltime job, I registered at the unemployment office.
As someone who had worked in previous years, I have a right to health care coverage by the government.
From the stratosphere of my dreams, I have been brought down to face the grey reality.
I was reminded that you don’t chase your dreams in the permanent glow, you chase them as you make your way through the darkness and uncertainty.
Now I’m gradually building my blog, I write copy for two clients for little to no money, and I slowly prepare two big projects for my NGO.
Also, part of the team around my biggest ever project (which was rejected) is starting a new company — and I’m there with them.
Considering the crazy spiral humanity has found itself in, I’ve resigned from any future forecasts.
I certainly have dreams, plans, and tasks, but I’m taking my life one step at the time. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know I’m the master of my destiny.
There’s nobody above me, no one I can complain to, no one I can complain about.
Worst case scenario? In six months I’ll be searching for another fulltime job. It may be hard and I may struggle, but I’ll survive. Somehow.
I can live with it.
Best case scenario?
I’ll be doing what I love, what I’m good at. Along with money, I’ll be rewarded with a feeling that my work has a genuine purpose. I’ll be firmly on my way to the best version of myself.
I could live with that as well.