JUDGMENT CALL

When a Frat Boy Likes Me, I Know He Has a Weird Mom

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My girl friend and I were talking the other day. She’s dating this guy who’s intimidated by her. I’m not making this up to make her look superior to him. He says things to her like, “I’m not sure what you see in me” or “what do you think people would think if they saw us together?”

She says, “It’s really annoying because I don’t know what he’s talking about. I adore him.”

“He thinks you’re out of his league,” I said. “He’s not sure what you’re doing with him.”

She moaned.”But why?”

I said, “Isn’t there anyone you would be shocked to find out liked you?”

She thought about it. “Yeah, a 55-year-old rich worldly older man who was used to dating models who were as hairless as seals and had perfect bodies.”

“Wow,” I said. “You’ve really thought about this.”

She had.

“What about you?” she asked.

“Frat boys,” I said. “Whenever one of those polished frat boys liked me, I knew he must have a weird mom. But before I figured that out, I imagined he’d seen me with one of my hot blond friends and he was biding his time until she showed up.”

“Wow,” my girl friend said, “You’ve really thought about this.”

I had.

While looking for love, we learn about who likes us and who doesn’t like us. If we’re not masochists, we take that information and run with it.

When we’re young, it seems like everybody likes the same two or three people, but at some point, we hopefully adapt. We like who we like and not who society tells us we should like if we want to be a winner.

But what happens when someone likes you who doesn’t fit the script? The artist likes the MBA. The dancer falls in love with the guy who can eat the most hot dogs. What about different religions, economic backgrounds, cultures, race, education?

What happens when someone you don’t expect to like you, does?

It’s alarming. Have they miss-seen you? And if they’ve read you wrong, do you just wait until they figure it out, or do you tell them? Move along, fella, I think you’ve mistaken me for someone else.

I’ve always hated the expression “Out of your league” because it implies one person is better than the other. It reminds me of when I used to teach and we learned about different intelligences. Before that, there was smart and there was not smart. Different intelligences showed us everybody shines, just not in the same way.

It was our job, as educators, to find out how each student learned so we could best help the individual succeed. Find out who they were beneath the surface. No kid was exactly as they seemed. Half our job was discovering what lay beneath.

It’s the same with love. Who knows why someone likes or loves you? You might remind them of their weird mom. They might like your smell, voice, jokes, attitude.

I dated a few frat boys in my day. The relationships always felt temporary to me. I felt like I was a placeholder for someone else. Looking back, I see we both were. I do wonder though, what I would have discovered, had I not typecast them upon first sight.