Art & Intuition

When A Disappointment Turns into An Aha Moment

Change doesn’t always come easy, sometimes patience and time is needed.

After the success of creating my first fabric artwork. I set about to create my second piece based on a drawing of my father and my uncle.

Two country men going to the city. Going some place they didn’t belong. Like I was trying to figure out where I was going. Where I belonged. Motherhood and a wife not being enough for me.

But completing this fabric picture did not leave me feeling good. Not like I’d felt when I’d finished the first one. This one was awful, and a big disappointment!

I had no directions to follow in this journey of creating fabric art. I was on my own with whatever inner guidance I could find.

In the first picture, little heads covered the entire area. But this picture had an unfilled space. So I followed what I’d learned with quilting and filled in the empty space with stitches.

This piece was a failure, and it left me feeling hopeless again. Like I’d been fooled into thinking I’d found an answer to becoming an artist. Like anything good could happen to me.

Here I was again in this place of knowing what wasn’t right in my life. Unable to figure out what would be right for me.

I hid the picture in the bottom of the trunk I stored my fabric in. I didn’t want anyone to see it. Didn’t want to be laughed at. Made fun of.

I doubted myself. Doubted my inner guidance. Wondered if the first creation was nothing more than a cruel cosmic joke letting me think I could succeed. Then setting me straight. Showing me I could never be more than I was.

For a few months, I gave up. Felt stuck and trapped.

Then, as in the picture of me above, surrounded by the patchwork denim sofa covering and the denim quilted drapes that I’d made. The view of the ocean outside the window. Twenty-eight-year-old me had an aha moment.

I needed to break free from what I’d learned. Strive for something new. And though I didn’t know it yet, that not only meant with my artwork, but also in my thinking.

Also, I needed to not give up. Not let one disappointment stop me from following my dreams.

I had to learn from what didn’t work in this second picture.

So I studied it. Compared it to my first successful one. It was obvious the little stitched heads worked. That flash of inspiration for what to put in that empty picture frame had not led me astray.

This second picture had not come to me as a flash of inspiration. Instead it had been a conscious decision to create a picture of my uncle and father.

The idea had not come from the same source.

Despite my entering the big, scary, unknown place of change, I had to believe and trust the answer would appear.

I had to be patient. Had to believe I would achieve my dreams of becoming an artist.

It would take six months before that answer came and I attempted another picture. Until I felt hopeful again.

Next week, I will share that creation with you.

In case you missed it, here is the first picture and how it came to be.