What’s Your Comfort Object?
Ever wonder what role they play in your life?
Ask an autistic person. They will tell you they have a comfort object. Most people have one.
It might be a thermal shirt that you like the feel of the cotton fabric on your forearms or a pair of wool socks that keep your feet warm in bed at night. It might be a favorite food you eat every day or a song you like to listen to on loop.
Comfort objects are what they sound like. They help make the rough edges of life manageable through the comfort they provide our emotions.
It could be listening to song, watching a Netflix movie, or snuggling on the sofa with your cat — comfort objects are different for every person, but serve the same function to reduce stress.
They keep us grounded by giving meaning to our lives when things become stressful, especially for neurodivergent people living in a world that’s designed for neurotypical people.
The role of comfort objects
I’m sure you can remember some of the comfort objects you had in your childhood like a favorite blanket, a jacket, or a CD of a music group, and I bet you can easily come up with 10 to 15 comfort objects in your life in just five minutes.
Because we all have them.
In his book On the Spectrum, Daniel Bowman Jr. cites Sarah Kurchak’s article in Vox to describe the role of comfort objects play in the lives of autistics and it seems the same for non-autistics:
“This effort to establish stability is often reflected in the way we use consumer goods. We might only wear particular pieces of clothing or only eat a limited number of foods — sometimes only when they come in a specific passage.”
Ever wonder why you like listening to the same song over and over or watching a tv show again that you’ve already seen? Maybe, the song or show are comfort objects — and the same goes for the place you like to eat or a personal habit.
Like to wear your baseball cap backward? Or check those football, baseball, and basketball stats for your Fantasy Sports League team? Or do you stop for a Starbucks on the way home?
These are comfort objects too.
Comfort objects on a deeper level
Bowman discussed in his book On the Spectrum about how he found art, specifically reading and writing, to be comfort objects on a deeper level as a child and still does as an English professor and writer recently diagnosed in the spectrum:
“I knew that art would be, for me, a portal to safety, and finally to love.
Bowman says one of the most affirming books for him as a poet and novelist was Julie Brown’s Writers on the Spectrum. The book examines the attributes of writers like Emily Dickensian, Hans Christian Anderson, and Lewis Carrol that show how they may have been on the spectrum.
Creativity as a comfort object
Like it was in my Bowman’s life, art might be the place you find the most comfort, or maybe it’s coming, math, computer coding, or whatever you love doing, and this parallel universe to everyday life could be a “portal” where your brain feels most welcomed to express its nature.
I played basketball as a kid every day, and I can see how basketball as a child helped me to find the place where I fit in the world. A “basketball player” is how I viewed myself and a basketball court was like a wilderness sanctuary for me.
Now, like Bowman, the place I find the most comfort is in the pages of a book or running down the page naked while writing a story, letting my thoughts and feelings spill out of me.
Comfort objects as a ‘living map’
In his memoir “Buckeye,” Scott Russel Sanders describes how we all possess “living maps,” those stories and poems and other forms of created art like songs and tv shows that help ground us in ourselves and to a certain place:
“For each home ground, we need new maps, living maps, stories and poems, photographs and painting, essays and songs. We need to know where we are, so that we may dwell in our place with a full heart.”
From this view, comfort objects are those things that help us to dwell in the world with a full heart because they let us express who we are on a deep level. That’s why I believe it’s important to embrace the comfort objects in our lives.
My comfort objects
I like to drink a cup of coffee every morning (seems normal, right?). Throw me off my usual routine and I can become grumpy and irritable. I also tend to stick (embarrassing admission) to wearing the same shirt or jeans for a few days.
Hey, these are my comfort objects! Talking to chickens might be yours (J.R. Spiers).
I listen to the same five or six songs on my phone. I was the same as a kid, too. I listened to songs at night to soothe my mind. I read and write not only for creative purposes but also because these activities connect me to myself.
Routines are another comfort object for me. My son and I like to take walks at the park at night, and we usually follow the same route, going past a wall where we see a stray cat or possum and always sitting downat the same park bench.
Neurotypicals and comfort objects
Ironically, neurotypicals have the same need for comfort objects, but it isn’t usually viewed as strange if they listen to the same song or have a fondness for eating similar foods every day than it is if an autistic person has these habits.
But, maybe, this is because some of the comfort objects of autistics could be more obscure than those for neurotypical people. An autistic person might have special interests like watching a kids’ tv show, and they may be prone to a meltdown if one of their comfort routines gets disrupted.
Odd comfort objects
Okay, we all have idiosyncratic comfort objects, right? Mine is carrying a Nerf football with me on a walk at the park. I think it’s because it provides sensory input to my hands, and I find a quick toss-and-catch in the air with myself is calming. While I’m being honest, I sometimes also stick the ball under my arm while driving.
I felt a little strange about a Nerf football being one of my comfort objects until I came across this passage in Will Smith’s memoir Will on the excitement he felt the first time he played catch with a Nerf football as a child in the 1980s.
“This thing was amazing — I got lost in the ingenuity of this extraordinary object. You could throw it in the winter, but it wouldn’t hurt your fingers if you caught it! You could miss it, it could hit you in the face, and you’d be fine.”
— Will Smith, Will
Okay, it’s now your turn. We all have our ort objects. Let’s destigmatize comfort objects as being strange and unusual by being open about and telling others about them.
Here’s your chance: Keira Fulton-Lees, Lorrae G., Ines May, Jillian Enright, Not Weird Just Autistic, KiKi Walter, Sam Ochstein, J.R. Spiers, Pam Winter, Lu Skerdoo, Lisa's Desk Chat, Harold Zeitung, Adelina Vasile, Richard Armstrong, Sarah Ouellet, Susan Wheelock, Sujona Chatterjee, Libby Walkup, Hannah Zaragoza, BloodyWinter01♾✡️🎧🍓, Dean Waters, Aspen Blue, Juliette L. Dunn, Partum Scriptor, EarthNamek, Accalia Baronets, MJ Santos, rose iris theodosia elysium, Rachel Avery Conley, Justine L, Caroline SmithKitty J, Rosemarijn Emilie, Kelsey Jean Marie, Ellie Jean, Katrina Roberts, Sarah McManus MSc, Aiden Riley, Ethan Johnstone, Johanna Haas, Susan Strem, Orange Aura, Wendy Barker, Atty Altay, Sandra Aponte, MA, RMHCI, Sarah Reade, Welcome to Mars, Kelli Lynn Grey, Kirsty Kendall, Susan Kearney, Extra Holly, Edward Johns, JT Elder, Meg Hartley, Mila Bea, Catherine Grace, Annabelle R Underwood, Kristy Westaway, Marilyn Glover, Lorrie G, Rita Malone, Alsie Gray, Jen Weaver, Tori Morales, Katherine Grace, Betty Wolfanger, Andrew Johnston, Athena, Dr Natalie Woodward, Sarah Klostermair, Mariam Ali, Mollie Pittaway.
(Note To the Editors and member writers of Artfully Autistic: It was not my intention to exclude any editor and/or member writer in the list of writers I originally tagged when my story was published on January 11 for a short period until the editors/owner realized some editors/writer members had been excluded. I did not understand Artfully Autistic seeks to be more of a family than a collection of Medium writers, and with this in mind, I apologize if my list of tags made some people feel excluded. I merely tagged people who I know from Artfully Autistic (who have previously commented on my stories) and other writers who I interact with. I did not intend to exclude anyone and I hope by adding every editor and/or member writer you feel included and I would love to hear from everyone about your Comfort Objects and to get to know you as a fellow member of the Artfully Autistic family. I look forward to hearing from all of you and thanks for your understanding. It’s been a good lesson for me to think how my actions may unintentionally exclude others. Thank you to Keira for communicating this to me in a lovingly honest way.)
Leave a comment on one of your comfort objects, the object, food, clothing, place, or an activity that provides comfort and stability to you, and we’ll see how much we have in common in being a neurodivergent or neurotypical person.
Thank you for reading my story.
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Or check out my YouTube video on “Seven Tips for Success on Medium.”
