What’s Up with Relationship Expectations?

The Good, the Bad, and the Unattainable

Aheeey!

I’m sure we’ve all been there. You’re in a relationship with someone, expecting that person to do something for you regarding your needs or wants. But then that person doesn’t do what you want them to do, and suddenly you feel disappointed or angry even though this is precisely what you said would happen. What’s going on here? Why does this happen so often? And what can we do about it?

In this article, we’ll take a look at how expectations play a role in our relationships with others as well as ourselves, whether they’re reasonable or not, and how they can help us learn more about ourselves while also helping us grow closer together with other people by allowing them to meet these needs instead of leaving them unmet only because they haven’t completed yours yet or vice versa.

There are different kinds of relationship expectations. Some of these can be more easily met than others, so knowing where you stand with your partner and what they consider necessary in a relationship is essential.

#1 Sexual: How often do you want to have sex? What kind of sex do they want? How much foreplay should there be? Does one person like it rougher than the other or vice versa? If so, how rough? Does one person like roleplaying while the other doesn’t? This requires communication between partners because if one person isn’t getting their needs met sexually, they may feel unsatisfied in their relationship overall. This could lead them away from being able to express themselves through physical intimacy with their partner or perhaps even leave them altogether.

#2 Emotional: How often do you want to talk about how you feel? What kind of things are essential to both partners? Do they like talking about the future or just living in the moment? How many times do they want to go out with friends each week or month? What do you consider cheating, and what happens if someone cheats on you if this is an issue for either person? This is a crucial thing for people to discuss because if one person isn’t getting their needs met emotionally, it can lead them away from being able to express themselves through physical intimacy with their partner or perhaps even leave them altogether.

Expectations can be reasonable, but they can also be harmful.

Expectations can be good or bad. They can be both, depending on your perspective and the situation you’re in.

If you expect your partner to treat you nicely, but they don’t, that’s a wrong expectation. If they treat you nicely but less often than expected, that’s also considered a lousy expectation since it doesn’t meet reality (what happened).

On the other hand, if someone has unrealistic expectations about their partner in terms of how they should behave towards them or vice versa, then those types of thoughts will cause problems when reality doesn’t match up with what was expected, and this can lead some people down an unhealthy path where they feel like their relationship isn’t working because nothing ever goes right.

Expectations can set you up for disappointment, which is never good.

Expectations can be reasonable, but they can also be harmful. When you have expectations for your relationships, it can create a false sense of control in your life that may not be healthy. For example, suppose you expect your partner to act a certain way or do something specific every time they’re around, like always opening the door. When they don’t live up to this standard of perfection, disappointment ensues.

Let’s look at expectations through the lens of Buddhism. We see them as an obstacle on our path toward enlightenment because they create attachments and cravings, which keep us stuck in pain instead of moving toward happiness and peace.

They can also create a false sense of control in your life.

You may be thinking, “You can’t argue with that. I want to be happy in my relationship.”

If they don’t meet every one of your expectations, and some of them are pretty high, you might feel resentful or angry toward them. That’s not good for anyone involved in the relationship. It makes everyone feel bad about themselves and each other, leading me to my next point.

There are ways to manage expectations to be fair and healthy instead of harmful and unrealistic.

#1 Be realistic about what you can expect from a relationship.

Relationships take work, but they should always feel like a chore, and if they do, then something needs to be fixed in your expectations of how things should be going. If you constantly wish for better things out of your partner or the relationship itself, then it’s time for an honest conversation about what needs changing or whether or not this person is right for you.

#2 Be clear about your needs and wants before entering into any romantic partnership with someone else.

What does success look like? Are there certain qualities that would make someone more attractive than others? Do you have any dealbreakers when it comes to dating? These questions will help shape how prepared we are when faced with challenges later down the road. We must know ourselves well enough to avoid losing sight of ourselves when stress becomes high enough, leading us back around again.

First and foremost, it’s helpful to understand what kind of relationship you’re in, whether it’s a short-term fling or a long-term commitment.

A short-term fling is when two people are dating each other for fun but not looking for anything serious. They may like each other more than they initially expected and decide to keep seeing each other, but this only happens sometimes.

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A long-term commitment is when two people have chosen each other as their partner for life and intend on staying together forever or at least until something drastic happens. This could mean marriage which usually comes after some time living together first, or just living together without getting married if you live somewhere where that’s legal.

If the answer is “I don’t know,” then you should probably seriously consider that person’s intentions and whether they’re right for you.

If your partner knows what they want from a relationship, it can be challenging to figure out how long your relationship will last or if there’s any point in continuing it. If they’ve started dating someone else and then come back asking for another chance, maybe their answer isn’t “I don’t know.” It could just be “no.”

You might also ask yourself: Would I rather date someone who knows exactly what kind of relationship works best for them but isn’t willing to compromise with me? Or would I rather date someone who doesn’t know what type of relationship works best but is ready or soon will be helpful, able, or compliant enough with my preferences that we can make things work together despite our differences?

The same goes for any other type of relationship expectation, sexual, financial, or otherwise, that you might have about someone else’s behavior concerning your needs and wants in this situation.

You may be thinking, “Okay, I get it. Expectations can be good or bad and can set me up for disappointment. But how do I know if my expectations are realistic?”

Well, let’s take a look at another example: If you want your partner to meet all of your sexual needs, but your partner doesn’t want sex as often as you do, then that’s an unrealistic expectation. The same goes for any other type of relationship expectation, sexual, financial, or otherwise, that you might have about someone else’s behavior concerning your needs and wants in this situation.

The more clearly you define what you want from a relationship, the better able you’ll be to figure out whether or not it’s realistic given who your partner is as an individual rather than just some abstract concept like “someone who will love me unconditionally.”

There’s nothing wrong with having high expectations for your partner. We all have them. But if those expectations are unrealistic, then it’s time to stop kidding yourself and face the truth: maybe this isn’t the right person for either of us. After all, we don’t fit together meaningfully. And that may be okay, too (I promise).

Now that you know the basics of what’s up with relationship expectations, it’s time to put your new knowledge into practice. This means asking yourself tough questions about what kind of relationship you want or doesn’t want, then following up by clarifying what it will take for someone else to meet those needs. If the answer is….

“I don’t know,” maybe now is not a good time for dating.

Thanks for taking the time to read. I’d like to hear your perspective.

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